I give up

In my last journal entry I wrote about my friend Emma and how I was so sad for her in the loss of her husband and wanted to do something for her. I know the main thing is to be there for her. Turns out, I couldn't even do that. The visitation was today. I'd taken a test drive there earlier to make sure I could find the place because it's not in the town where I live. I went there for the visitation later and there was no parking nearby the funeral home. So, I parked in the lower lot. As I started walking to the home my heart began to race. My face started sweating. My hands started shaking. The derealization set in. I felt like I had to leave. The place was packed with people. A lady who opened the door for me looked at me funny. I know she noticed my shaking and sweating. I went in, signed the guest book and left. I didn't even go in and see my friend.
I went home, cried and went to bed. Frank came home from work and came into the guest room where I was sleeping. He asked me what was wrong and I said "nothing". He left and went to play pool. When he came home several hours later he asked me to talk to him and I told him that I know he doesn't understand my problem but that I'd had a horrible panic attack and couldn't stay at the visitation. His response was this........"I don't know why you just can't stop it. You can go into WalMart with me but you can't be there for your best friend." I sat and cried and he finally went to bed. He's right, you know.
I think I'm done trying. I will never get better. I'm done. I'm a failure. I'm just not a good person at all. I don't deserve anything good.