I haven't posted a journal in a while and I think it's time. Somtimes I'm afraid to write my feelings down, and sometimes it makes me feel better. I think I should call myself "The Yo-Yo Girl". I'm up and down, like a yo-yo. The lack of motivation, accomplishments and the lonliness in my life are really getting to me. A saying keeps coming to my mind. It goes "If you always do what you've always done, you will always be what you've always been". It's a good saying, and true. So, why can't I put it into practice? I know I can do better. Even if I can't go out and be like every normal person that doesn't have the depression, anxiety and OCD, I know that I can at least make the best of what I can do. But, I get up out of my bed, and the energy just isn't there. It seems that late at night is when I think of all the things I could do with my life. I stay up sometimes until the sun comes up. When I finally wake up, the inspiration is gone. So many things I could do to help myself. Cut down smoking, eat healthier, cut down on my caffeine, do a little excercise. Force myself! But, it's so hard to force myself when I feel no strength whatsoever. Yes, I do find that the DS website helps me. It helps me to know that there are others who have the same problems that I do. And whereas, we're all a little different, we each share some of the same things, and support each other regardless. It's a good thing. I want to do better. I really do. But, when I say my prayers when I am going to sleep (Maybe at 7 o'clock in the morning!), I actually feel ashamed to pray, because I feel like I have let The Lord down, because I know the things that I could be doing to help myself. All the sayings.....A little effort goes a long way.....when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always be what you've always been. These are so much easier said than done. I am thinking though, that I might go to the phsycologist that my phsyciatrist recommended. He told me once in a session, that he didn't have the time to give me as much as I really needed. I think I might try that. Just one try. Maybe it'll help. It couldn't hurt. But, I'm not going to give up just now.