I haven't been on the DS website in a while. Right now I'm very anxious and I keep crying. I get this feeling that the friends I have only like me when they need something, and yet, I know that's wrong. It seems like I have all the time in the world, but everybody else is so busy. they have families, jobs, things to do. Here it is late at night, and I tried to lay down and my palms are sweating. My heart is pounding. I keep feeling like I'm going to jump and run! I hate this feeling. Then, I keep thinking about how unloved I feel, and I start crying. The man from Russia who I've been talking to online for nearly a year now, is barely ever able to be online. He works all the time now. I sent him an invitation letter to take to the American Embassy in Moscow to help him apply for his Visa and get it quicker, but I'm beginning to doubt that he'll even come. I feel so unloveable. I have a friend next door. I would just love for her to come and sit with me and talk. Everytime I've called her lately, she's busy. She has a stepson and his girlfriend (her husbands son) I have become very close with her stepsons girlfriend and yet, it seems that she only calls me when she needs something. I think it's wrong for me to feel that way, because I have been in need too, and had to ask other people to help me out. I just keep thinking, I help other people, but where are they when I just need someone to sit and talk with me, and be a friend? I understand, but it only further shows me the fact that other people have families, jobs, kids, boyfriends. Lives. Who even cares about me? That's just how I feel right now.