Today has been a very bad day for me. My sister and my neice came to visit me from Savannah. My little neice was so excited to stay with me. But, then out of the blue, as usual, we were on our way to the store and I had a terrible panic attack. I was shaking and so scared. The worst part is the fearful thoughts, and that I think I'm going to just lose control. I got back home and fixed my neice some lunch and then called my sister. I told her I was having a panic attack, and we talked for a while. Then, when I asked her to pick my niece up, she was kind of upset, and said that she'd never bring my niece over again. She thinks that I'm letting the panic attacks win. I wish I didn't have this problem. I have fallen in love with a guy in Russia. We have talked for over 8 months online now, but I am thinking about telling him we shouldn't talk anymore, or that we shouldn't meet face to face, because I don't want him to know about this problem. I don't think he would still like me. I feel so sad, and I feel like I am worthless.
Replies
I totally know how you feel! I\'ve suffered from severe panic/anxiety attacks since I was 10. I feel I\'m going to lose control. My doctor says I have derealization. I feel like I\'m in a dream. Nothing nor no one is real to me. I feel like I\'m going to freak out. It\'s a very scary feeling. It\'s hard for me to go places, but I make myelf go. I was an agoraphobic due to these attacks. I don\'t work due to this problem. I don\'t have any friends because I don\'t have a job to meet people. I don\'t have a boyfriend. I feel I\'ll always be alone due to these panic attacks. No guy would understand, I feel. I too, feel worthless. Thank you for your open journal!