update
its been soooo long since ive been on DS, its been so long since ive talked to my friends on here, or written a journal on here. its been so long since ive even picked up a pen and wrote down how ive been feeling. well im here now, for today, and i am going to write a little while.
work has been consuming my whole life lately. baby sitting 5 days a week, subway shifts for 5-6 hours on saturday and then another 6 hours on sundays. i never have days off any more. i dont have time to write journals, stories, poems, nothing. i literally just sleep eat and work. and spend time with my amazing boyfriend. i see my one friend, and her baby once a month sometimes even a little more. she just spent four days here not to long ago. i dont talk to many people any more, dont do much.
things were going so well.... work is tiring like always, but nothing i hadnt been able to handle. ive had a few ups and downs, but have been doing well considering no meds have been in my system for months.. since july.. i stopped those, without doctor approval. i havent seen a counselor, or psych doc, i havent seen n e one who has the athority to tell me i need to be on meds.
i did see a pshcologist back in november, for him to do a proper assessment (he was going to fill out papers for disability.. well i had just found out that i had indeed, been approved for disability... yay... not. i dont really care either way. the drug plan woould be nice, however i not on drugs right now, aside the occasional ones needed for minor sickness, i just got rid of an ear infectionj that i had for over two weeks. needed prescription ear drops for that.
i have no idea what the psychologist wrote in his report to disability, but id like to know... im waiting to meet with ODSP soon
anyways things are going ok on and off. i get into little "episodes" guess you could call them, here and there. had a big freak out a couple weeks ago, an "episode" i suppose. the boyfriend took my blades, i hadnt used them in months.. but when i got out of bed and brought them back, he soon realized they were in bed, and he took them from me.... i freaked out, rolled over and hit my head off wall as hard as could a few times, till he rolled and pulled me into him with a tight grip and would not let go until i settled down. i was not expecting him to roll over and get me so fast. i wasnt thinking. i didnt no what i was doing, i was lost, completly lost. like i wasnt even there. well i settled, and then eventually fell asleep, but he held me, and cuddled me, and kept telling me that it was ok, that i was going to be okay. he did not give me my blades back. even now i do not have them, he has them hidden in the house somewhere. wont tell me where.
im not working today, i wasnt needed to baby sit today, so i have a day off. ive done some cleaning today, just the basics and then since, ive just been in bed. im sitting in bed now, as i type away on my computer, writing this.
im not in a great mood today, just want... i dont no... something i cant have i guess... gunna go
hope all my online friends are well
work has been consuming my whole life lately. baby sitting 5 days a week, subway shifts for 5-6 hours on saturday and then another 6 hours on sundays. i never have days off any more. i dont have time to write journals, stories, poems, nothing. i literally just sleep eat and work. and spend time with my amazing boyfriend. i see my one friend, and her baby once a month sometimes even a little more. she just spent four days here not to long ago. i dont talk to many people any more, dont do much.
things were going so well.... work is tiring like always, but nothing i hadnt been able to handle. ive had a few ups and downs, but have been doing well considering no meds have been in my system for months.. since july.. i stopped those, without doctor approval. i havent seen a counselor, or psych doc, i havent seen n e one who has the athority to tell me i need to be on meds.
i did see a pshcologist back in november, for him to do a proper assessment (he was going to fill out papers for disability.. well i had just found out that i had indeed, been approved for disability... yay... not. i dont really care either way. the drug plan woould be nice, however i not on drugs right now, aside the occasional ones needed for minor sickness, i just got rid of an ear infectionj that i had for over two weeks. needed prescription ear drops for that.
i have no idea what the psychologist wrote in his report to disability, but id like to know... im waiting to meet with ODSP soon
anyways things are going ok on and off. i get into little "episodes" guess you could call them, here and there. had a big freak out a couple weeks ago, an "episode" i suppose. the boyfriend took my blades, i hadnt used them in months.. but when i got out of bed and brought them back, he soon realized they were in bed, and he took them from me.... i freaked out, rolled over and hit my head off wall as hard as could a few times, till he rolled and pulled me into him with a tight grip and would not let go until i settled down. i was not expecting him to roll over and get me so fast. i wasnt thinking. i didnt no what i was doing, i was lost, completly lost. like i wasnt even there. well i settled, and then eventually fell asleep, but he held me, and cuddled me, and kept telling me that it was ok, that i was going to be okay. he did not give me my blades back. even now i do not have them, he has them hidden in the house somewhere. wont tell me where.
im not working today, i wasnt needed to baby sit today, so i have a day off. ive done some cleaning today, just the basics and then since, ive just been in bed. im sitting in bed now, as i type away on my computer, writing this.
im not in a great mood today, just want... i dont no... something i cant have i guess... gunna go
hope all my online friends are well
Replies
Welcome back!
hey girlfriend, good to see you...I have been medically ill....had surgury on knee in december....could not walk since september/october....so much pain....I am better now....
Thanks karen
hotdogalice: last i heard you had just had surgery i believe. its been a while since ive been online. its hard with work and life getting in the way. if they had an app for DS on my phone, i could access it adn i would be online so much more. thing is i cant really see much on the website from my phone and i have not been able to find an app. so for now, ill have to keep checkin through computer when i have a day off or have a chance to jump on. i am off today, and i am online. i hope that you pop online at some point today while i am online, so we can chat, and catch up. i miss talking to you. glad to hear things are better. how is your daughter doing? message me :)