weak

well im feeling weak at the moment i gave in and answered but still was strong in my breaking up. He said his usual im sorry blah blah but i didnt take it. Then he said he understand why im leaving and i said ok and he freaked out saying fuck u blah blah blah but whatever his lashing out is obviously his inabilkity to deal with whats going on. So i texted back saying theres no need to be an asshole im being very civil for what i have been through. I also stated i hope one day he realises hes lost not only a girlfriend but a lifelong best friend. Im sure he doesnt care tho hes selfish and only thinks about himself and will somehow find this to be my fault in some way so he feels better and doesnt have to deal with it. Im just happy that even tho the codependency is kicking in im holding my ground because as i read in codependent no more the reason it feels so uncomfortable is because its the right thing to do. to let go and set boundaries is bettering myself i just have to get used to doing the right thing and stick to my guns insteadof giving into the comfortable wrong. I still find myself sitting here waiting for him to txt or call but im going to do my best to ignore it. Ive ignored it all day for the most part and done pretty well. Hes not realising what hes lost but one day he will like they all do. Im a great girlfriend very supportive and very loving and i take a lot of shit. But i wont tolerate my trust being broken. Its been done to me way too many times and if i dont learn from the first time when will i learn 30 years from now? He chose hockey and booze over me. My best idea is to let him leave i dont need a drunk boyfriend i need support and love and meeting me halfway in our relationship. Id rather be alone then be with someone and be alone and supportive of them instead of myself. I need all the love i can get for myself im weak and codependent. I need to save my self love before there is nothing left. as samantha said on sex in the city sure i loved him but i should love myself more. So i should not have to put up with any sort of shit anymore. im 25 successful and have a great job and future ahead of me if a guy cant see that he has a lot of growing up to do. im an asset in a relationship i can contribute all needed factors very well its his loss losing me . Eeven if he doesnt realise it i sure do. I feel sorry for the next girl to fall into the i want to grow up get married have babies act and end up dealing with a drunk that has no idea what he wants. anyways im going to play poker then head to the gym just had to vent it out.