I'm taking a moment to pout for what I never had with my Mom.  I have known so many people, and have seen so many journal entries/profiles, of women who had special bonds with their mothers.  I loved my Mom and miss her so much but we really didn't have that bond.  She couldn't get outside of herself enough to notice the world and her loved ones around her who really needed and wanted her around.  I was on my own on all levels for a very long time because I could only get limited understanding and ability from her. It SUCKS that she was that ill and it SUCKS that I didn't get what I needed from her.  I feel badly for sounding so selfish but what is a journal for, if not to write about whatever is rattling around in the brain at the moment?  I know in time I will come to realize that she really did do the best she could with what she had but sometimes the 2-year-old in residence comes to the forefront, like she is now, and tantrums. That said, my mind was boggled by Dad's telling me that his girlfriend mentioned wanting to adopt me.  I think she was 1/2 joking and 1/2 serious but it sounds more serious than joking.  She and I are each going through our grief processes and I know she's missing her son like crazy.  She also has provided me with that stable maternal influence that I bitched above about not having had with my bio Mom.  Anytime anything happens, she calls to make sure that we're ok and is always up for getting together and socializing.  I'd been planning to get her a card for Mother's Day anyway so it's interesting that this came up. I'm also wondering that if my 1st paragraph of bitching is part of the letting go process.  Not that I could ever replace Mom but I also want to allow myself to let in someone else who cares not only for me, but for Dad as well, and who shows it quietly and steadily.  Dad and I have both needed that. Such a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts....