Update
My brother has been staying away from my sister and I for the last two months. I should have written about him stopping when it happened but I wasn't sure how long it would last and was not feeling the need to enter anythign here until now once he has returned. I do not know the exact time it started but my sister finally stood up to him and he backed off for a time. It has been very good. We have not had to be bullied or pushed or controlled or insulted except by each other for this time and I think both my sister and I have been much happier.
I say have been because in the last week, I dont know if by my sister calling him or he contacting her, he has been coming back and has already started to return to what it was before. He is nitpicking everything and trying to take control of what my sister does and is talking down all the things around her and that she wants to do or the people helping her.
Every couple weeks while he was not coming to visit or calling her I would ask my sister if she had talked to him or called him and she said she hadn't. I asked her how she felt about him not coming around and she said good. She has been pretty happy over all tho had soem problems with a person at her program for a while.
She still told me she wanted to get the restraining order on my brother and I convinced her that there was no need for it as long as he was not coming around and bothering her and if you went now while he wans't doing anything theywould probably not give it to her. She still insisted she wanted it but it has not been pushed so it is still hanging out there somwhere. I do not know how far along lthe process is or if it has even been started. She will probably want to start it up again now that he has been coming back over to see her.
I hope she does not fall back into the codependant grip she and he were in before and can ask him to back off once more. She has been coming along in these few months to being more responsable for herself and things that need to be done around her house but it has only been by baby steps and he can easily have her forget all of the progress and be smashed back into feelings of uselessness that he had her feeling before.
He jsut called me and started complaining about things again, It was as if the last two months had never happened. He complained that every time he went over ther he had to empty her trash. OMG, If the trash needs to be emptied then remind her or ask her to empty it dont do it for her. He said he fixed a leaky faucet which is good. He ins't completely unusefull at times but it is in wanting to control everything that he goes much too far.
Plus, the carry over comes at me with him calling and telling me things he doesn't like or thinks that need be done or changed, etc... I do not want to deal with him at all and I do not want to have to see my sister frustrated by him and controlled where it isn't needed. She always becomes more angry and acts out more when he is comeing around.
I hope this doesn't go on too long and cause her and I more anxiety and in her case the loss of what small gains she has had in this time.
I say have been because in the last week, I dont know if by my sister calling him or he contacting her, he has been coming back and has already started to return to what it was before. He is nitpicking everything and trying to take control of what my sister does and is talking down all the things around her and that she wants to do or the people helping her.
Every couple weeks while he was not coming to visit or calling her I would ask my sister if she had talked to him or called him and she said she hadn't. I asked her how she felt about him not coming around and she said good. She has been pretty happy over all tho had soem problems with a person at her program for a while.
She still told me she wanted to get the restraining order on my brother and I convinced her that there was no need for it as long as he was not coming around and bothering her and if you went now while he wans't doing anything theywould probably not give it to her. She still insisted she wanted it but it has not been pushed so it is still hanging out there somwhere. I do not know how far along lthe process is or if it has even been started. She will probably want to start it up again now that he has been coming back over to see her.
I hope she does not fall back into the codependant grip she and he were in before and can ask him to back off once more. She has been coming along in these few months to being more responsable for herself and things that need to be done around her house but it has only been by baby steps and he can easily have her forget all of the progress and be smashed back into feelings of uselessness that he had her feeling before.
He jsut called me and started complaining about things again, It was as if the last two months had never happened. He complained that every time he went over ther he had to empty her trash. OMG, If the trash needs to be emptied then remind her or ask her to empty it dont do it for her. He said he fixed a leaky faucet which is good. He ins't completely unusefull at times but it is in wanting to control everything that he goes much too far.
Plus, the carry over comes at me with him calling and telling me things he doesn't like or thinks that need be done or changed, etc... I do not want to deal with him at all and I do not want to have to see my sister frustrated by him and controlled where it isn't needed. She always becomes more angry and acts out more when he is comeing around.
I hope this doesn't go on too long and cause her and I more anxiety and in her case the loss of what small gains she has had in this time.
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