(*&^)(*&%(*&^$&^%#^*%)*&
I'm such a freaking idiot!
The talk recently of keeping of 'evidence' . Yeah I kept crap.
Copies of the emails I found, the cards she sent him, he voluntarily showed me, after the initial lie he told about destroying them when he received them. He thought I threw them away. Yeah well, I pulled them back out of trash when he wasn't looking. Yes I know, he could have left that lie that he threw them away, he didn't have to come clean and give them to me 2 days later,,guess what? Today I don't fucking care. They are part of the stash now. Copy of photo she sent to him via email.
Also copies of email she sent me after dday.
So brilliant f'in person that I am, I just had to look at it all today. 12 weeks after dday.
Saw things I missed or forgot the first time. Made myself sick. Literally puking my guts up. I want to scream and hit and kick. And throw things, I want to throw things. Like all his shit out on the lawn............................
grrrrrrrrrrr I want to swear
a lot
The talk recently of keeping of 'evidence' . Yeah I kept crap.
Copies of the emails I found, the cards she sent him, he voluntarily showed me, after the initial lie he told about destroying them when he received them. He thought I threw them away. Yeah well, I pulled them back out of trash when he wasn't looking. Yes I know, he could have left that lie that he threw them away, he didn't have to come clean and give them to me 2 days later,,guess what? Today I don't fucking care. They are part of the stash now. Copy of photo she sent to him via email.
Also copies of email she sent me after dday.
So brilliant f'in person that I am, I just had to look at it all today. 12 weeks after dday.
Saw things I missed or forgot the first time. Made myself sick. Literally puking my guts up. I want to scream and hit and kick. And throw things, I want to throw things. Like all his shit out on the lawn............................
grrrrrrrrrrr I want to swear
a lot
Replies
Hey babycakes, surprised you didn\'t call! Are you okay today? Need to chat? I\'m a free woman today, no appt.\'s at all! Wohoo!
You just temporarily stepped into \"Rollercoaster Land\", but it can be a short distance if you walk straight across, and stick to the river path. Do not get on the highway, as it swirls around, too much, and forces ya thru other suburbs. Follow the river, I\'ll be your guide! Shortest, easiest path, and nice calm scenery!
Do you think something set this off or triggered you?
And do you think it\'s has something to do with our convo, and those emails you sent me, about \"unorthodox\" stuff we talked about? I hope not! NOw we are all thinking we played a part.
But I was wondering if possibly, you allowed yourself, a different perspective this time. Ya know as opposed to kinda being supportive/understanding role of Shan, because he lied to her, and now you aren\'t focusing on that aspect, but more of \"what looked like a super slipperly slope\"? That now you are allowing your mind to go to other places, might be a good thing. Cuz before you were so dang practical, fair, understanding, and handling it all, almost as if you were dealing with someone else\'s story, and now you have more emotions in it, realizing it is your story, and you do have a right to get extremely upset.
Actually, hon, I think this is a good thing. I think this is another step towards healing. Doesn\'t seem like it at the time, and very upsetting to the point of nausea,....but necessary I think.....to process, sort, and get more steps in the right direction. I really do think, and know that this happened to me too. It just can\'t all be smooth sailing, as there will be some storms, some wave, some lightning, as you sail towards healingness.
Just my take!