Confused
Today I am just really sad. For some reason I find myself missing him a lot more then usual. I miss the simple normal things, getting dinner laughing at shows we recorded on DVR. I don't find anything as fun as it used to be. Everyone always says to go out and do things but the problem is every place I go I just wish I was doing anything I am doing with him there. I don't enjoy anything the way I used to and I really hope this feeling just goes away. I find myself typing long messages to him then before I can hit send I erase the message because I just know nothing will really change. So what if I message him make small talk about work or the weather? At the end of the day he still isn't going to want to be with me.
I know he is on a dating site. I wonder who he is seeing and what he is messaging to these people online. I wonder if he has found anyone that has captured his attention. I wish I didn't care because I know we don't have any future anyways. Yet my mind goes there on its own. I picture him on dates, getting to know people. I can imagine him getting dressed up and going to places we went together. I picture any of these women at his house. I picture them sitting in the cozy sofa where I used to. I picture them fixing their makeup in the bathroom I helped him design and suddenly I fill up with anger. He cant give me a single reason as to why he doesn't want to be with me. He wont even give me that little bit . After every single thing I have dealt with I deserve the truth. I don't know what type of person I really fell in love with..... I sometimes feel I was the only one who really fell in love I question what it was he ever felt for me. I don't know who he is anymore ......
I don't think I have ever really felt as alone as I do right now. I guess I feel semi hopeless for what my future will look like now that he is no longer apart of it. I hate that I feel so okay, then a day like this makes me realize how much hurt is in my heart
Replies
So sorry you are feeling to down in the dumps PInkrose. I know how you are feeling all to well. Take it hour by hour....that\'s what I\'m doing right now. I hate when you can\'t get him off your mind no matter what you do. Keep busy, keep busy....I get that all the time too. I do keep busy and sometimes it just doesn\'t help. Tomorrow is a new day. Just try to get through without contacting him. Remember you are the most important person in your life and you can do this....I know you can.! Take care and hugs
These days are going to happen, but will start to drop off eventually. Find a divorce care group in your area and start going. I know it is hard, but during those times when you want to get out, but can\'t find the drive, force yourself to go. As for the feelings of wondering if he ever really loved you, that is common to all of us, and we all wonder why. You will get through this. Hugs and blessings your way.