Ok, Im gonna vent so pay no mind, and please no one get offended! Im tired of this crap...right this moment, 5:07 EST I feel good...nothing is bothering me... no spasms, no twitches, no pain, nuttin nadda.....I am sitting still, with my legs propped up, I have the window open and the breeze is blowing and it is quiet. but if I sit here too much longer or I get up to do something, I feel like I am 100 years old. Im not tired right now, Im not sick. but I know, just give it a minute or 10 or whatever and something will start. so what do I do? sit here forever taking in the breeze....well there was a spasm. just a small one and the breeze is still very nice. the whole night could go on like this if I sit here....maybe. I feel decent so maybe I will go try to work out a little. maybe ride the bike, if its out ( it was buried in the garage, hubby is busy cleaning up, asked him to get it out for me) so say I go downstairs and get my shoes on and get ready to ride... and I cant or I fall off or I go downstairs and try to work out and I end up nursing an arm or a leg or both I just have no idea what to do I feel so totally helpless and confused and frustrated Ive never felt this way like any thing I do I know I am going to fail at I just dont want to move another spasm there is so much I need and want to do but failing has never been in my vocabulary before all I do lately is fail I speak like an idiot I cant remember things or conversations that just happened I cant make enough money to pay my bills my house is a wreck my car is a wreck everything I own is cluttered and disorganized Im not keeping up at home Im not keeping up at work Im too lazy to return phone calls or library books or movies that I never watched I dont even know for sure how I feel physically because I dont leave the couch Is it too much to ask for a Physician to take me seriously? Is this all in my head? I dont want to go back to work I feel like a failure there I feel like a failure at home if I get upset, like I did yesterday, I have trouble speaking and end up in bed for the rest of the day cant somebody at least tell me what the problem is? why do my legs and arms fall asleep? why cant I carry on an intelligent conversation? why cant I remember what day it is? worse yet what if all my tests come up negative and the symptoms continue? what the hell am I gonna do?
Replies
You are not a failure! It\'s just so damn hard to learn to be someone else and stay the person we see ourselves as. Does that make sense? I mean, we are the same people inside, but our priorities have completely shifted, and with that, the lives of the people around us have too. I suppose they must see us differently, and that makes it hard for us to carry on feeling NORMAL inside. But we are not failures. Don\'t ever say that. Enjoy your breeze, if you get to the cleaning, great. If you work out, cool. If you don\'t...tomorrow is another day.
Not sure what to say. But been there and still get that way at times. Once I got so bad. That I felt like I couldn\'t stand to be at home or around anyone. Ended up in the hospital for three days was discharged and was scared I didn\'t want to go. I felt I had no place, work was out of the question and home wasn\'t good either. I kept telling myself this will pass just give it time. And it did and I was eventually able to function a little better but still have those days and the MS thing well its a roller coaster ride. Try to get up and do something even if its just walking to another chair across the room. Move around a little bit if you can. If that works then try something else but don\'t push yourself to hard.
If you wanna cry then cry! I am sitting here and I am crying with you because all that you are saying I have felt too. But you are NOT a failure!!!!!!! It is so hard when your body just changes on you one day and no one takes what you are saying seriously like YOU don\'t know YOUR own body. Keep at them until they have to take your seriously. I have the same problem with my memory and it totally sucks! Keep your head up and know that you are not alone. Just take it one hour at a time that\'s all you can do and let the rest go.
Wow, this is like reading one of my journals. . .all the same fears and anger and confusion. Yes Lorraine, the worst part is wondering about negative test results yet still having the symptoms. . .that\'s exactly what I\'m going through right now. My appointment is on the 30th, I will have waited 9 torturing weeks to find out my results and my greatest fear is that they will tell me its negative. . .sounds funny doesn\'t it? I don\'t want MS, but I want an answer, a reason. We are in this together. . .KTF~Keep the Faith
Sheri
you are to stress out , com down you will made things worst.stay positive.