21 Months - Change Direction

Today marks 21 months since Stan died.  When I finished that first year, I was very surprised and disappointed to find that as I entered the second year, I went into even deeper loneliness and sadness than I felt during the first year.  For a couple of months during year two it seemed like all I did was suddenly burst into tears about every day.  I felt as if I was going backwards.  It did help a lot when I read that others were having similar reactions, so I knew I was not alone.
In July I marked the second wedding anniversary without him, and since then things have seemed to change in my life, ever so slightly.  The only way I can describe it is that up until recently, I have been moving ahead but looking backwards all the time, not looking at the path ahead, not paying attention to where I was going.  Now I feel as if I have finally turned around and I am  looking ahead, to where I am going, without the constant backward glances.  It is a good feeling.