I am self-destructing and I am not really sure why...Todays confessionI am a secret binge-eater, a person that eats much more than she lets on, this is what ate today:bowl of cereal and a banana (good start)2 cheese and ham panini's with loads of cheese2 packets of mini jaffa cakesthe above is totally unbalanced but...then in the evening in a moment of utter madness (when everyone else was in bed) to make it worse I made a swift trip to the local garage to buy junk food snacks and upon my return I ate the following IN ONE SITTING WITHOUT STOPPING:2 packets of pork scratchings (basically bags of fat - vulgar)1 king size snickers bar1 crunchie bar1 large galaxy bar 2 large flap jacks and I drank 1 whole litre of milk (I don't even drink milk) I felt really, really sick and wished that I could do it, but luckily my fear of vomiting saves me from adding that one to my issues with food. I have not binged like this in a long time and don't ever want to do it again. So here it is, a confession, it's no longer a secret. I have never told ANYBODY about it before. Moreover, it ends here and now. The hole that I am trying to fill is NOT going to happen by stuffing rubbish into my mouth. Not going to do this to myself any more, end of story.
Replies
I used to rub aspirin tablets on my tongue trying to force it up and it still wouldn\'t. You are not the only one who goes beserk, it\'s like being a slave to the munch master. Sometimes it makes no sense. It helps to keep a journal about it noting what emotions you are feeling before and/or midway... to kind of get an idea of what triggers this behavior. I\'ve learned sometimes I binge when what I really want is a real hug. And I\'m learning that some foods are triggers, too - I can\'t eat Brat sausages, I think it is that monosoduim glutimate in brats that is the trigger. So don\'t be too hard on yourself, what is done is done and life goes on.
Hey there, I can relate. I\'m binged before and also purged a few times but I got tired of doing that quick. I\'ve gotten better but I still have times, like recently when I just want to turn to food for comfort. Luckily it\'s getting better. You really said it all when you talked about filling the hole with food. That\'s what it is...it\'s a void we are trying to fill. The trick is to find a positive way of filling it. Exercise can be good. Something to take your mind off food. A hobby like scrapbooking or something...something that doesn\'t have to be associated with food. Good luck and I\'m here whenever u need to talk! Christal
It also helps to deal with the issues that\'s causing these feelings....do you have a counselor or someone to talk to to help you find out why and think of alternative ways? It helps! christal
Been here, too...and not easy, to NOT return. This is about so much more, than weight loss/weight gain. I find that when we stop turning to food, then we have no choice, but to look inward...and sometimes that can be scary. Letting those feelings surface, instead of masking them with food, can be painful, to say the least. Let them come...and feel them..whatever they are. (THIS is where, locking myself in the bathroom, comes in handy.....I don\'t want the kids to see me cry, or be the victim of my emotions) Even if you only grab a few minutes to yourself...those moments eventually add up, and before you know it..you are on the way to healing. Taking a walk, is great too..but I never really had to opportunity to do this, with little ones...or without them wrapped around my legs...lol. Just recently am I able to grab a bath, without pairs of eyes, staring..lol! Sounds funny...my bathroom, has been my only refuge...Bathroom therapy...hehe! Whatever works, I suppose. The mirror is in there, too. Sometimes, taking a long hard look, into your own eyes, can reveal alot....Especailly, when you start to see through the tears. :)
I wish you healing....at God\'s speed.
Hugs, my friend
Paulette :)
The good news is you\'re not a secret binge eater anymore! Even if it\'s a only a handful of people, that strikes me as a massive step. When I was binging I never admitted it to anyone. Not even myself to be honest. I think it takes a hell of a lot of courage to type out that list. I could never have done something like that.
I only outed myself to my wife after I\'d got through it and regained some control over what I was eating. Even a year later she still isn\'t aware of the quantity and extent of my binging. I can\'t bring myself to tell her.
I\'m not an expert on this stuff, but it strikes me that aknowledging that you have a problem and sharing it honestly with others strikes me as an absolutely massive step in the right direction and something you should be proud of. It also sounds like you seem to have a bit of a handle on it now as well.