weird
I am with my family today. We're all siting in the living room
watching golf and some are on their computers and some are reading the paper.
I am sitting on the couch using a laptop. I am grateful to be here among them
and yet also get the distinct sense (and maybe I am wrong) that it's awkward
and that I should have my own life. A partner, kids and a whole plan of my own
and not just rely on my Dad, his wife and my sisters. I love them and I am grateful
to them for including me but I don't know what inside me won't let me just enjoy the day.
My attempts to initiate relationships, finding them, seem at odds with stuff. I find my mood
swinging up and then down with the disappointment that I have very few relationships.
Like maybe I should accept not having them - And that maybe, the future support group that I will
join will be my "structured fellowship" that's right for me - in the future. Just like structured fellowship
was right for me at church for a while. My community will be with Nami! Hopefully. I am just real excited and ready to have a life of my own.... one that's a little more active than the one I have right now.
Peace out,
Mark
watching golf and some are on their computers and some are reading the paper.
I am sitting on the couch using a laptop. I am grateful to be here among them
and yet also get the distinct sense (and maybe I am wrong) that it's awkward
and that I should have my own life. A partner, kids and a whole plan of my own
and not just rely on my Dad, his wife and my sisters. I love them and I am grateful
to them for including me but I don't know what inside me won't let me just enjoy the day.
My attempts to initiate relationships, finding them, seem at odds with stuff. I find my mood
swinging up and then down with the disappointment that I have very few relationships.
Like maybe I should accept not having them - And that maybe, the future support group that I will
join will be my "structured fellowship" that's right for me - in the future. Just like structured fellowship
was right for me at church for a while. My community will be with Nami! Hopefully. I am just real excited and ready to have a life of my own.... one that's a little more active than the one I have right now.
Peace out,
Mark
Replies
Great big hug for you sweetie...I\'m so sorry that you\'re feeling like that Mark... Do you think that perhaps you\'re transferring the thoughts and feelings that are coming from you to your family?...
Family time is important Mark and it\'s part of having your own life my friend... Spending time with parents and siblings is special and you\'re a special part of their family just as they\'re part of yours...
If you want to meet a partner you could always look at websites??...Perhaps meet some people for coffee or lunch??...
As long as you\'d be comfortable with it..
I think starting with NAMI is a good idea though my friend...xo
thanks Jan. Yeah, my paranoia and lack of comfort being social \'get to me\' when I am with my family - though it goes away after some time being with them. I just came from a Mother\'s Day celebration and I was at ease with them at the end of it - I can be VERY shy. It was great to see my family and great to be with them. I know what you are saying about us being mutually important to each other and that means A LOT (THANKYOU!!!) I haven\'t found anybody in a while I could ask to coffee or lunch. I will keep that in mind though.