So, I had texted DD31 last week about skyping this weekend. We haven't Skyped since Thanksgiving. No response. I just don't get it. I'm trying not to feel hurt. Is it just his generation that feels it's acceptable to not respond when someone texts them or is it just my kids? I called DD29 on Saturday and, as I knew she would, she returned my call yesterday. She nd DD23 are my 2 I can count on to respond within short order. Anyway, just disppointing. I certainly don't do that to people, so don't understand why two of my kids think it's OK to ignore me. :(
It dawned on me last night that with DD23 graduating next month, that a graduation gift is in order. My ex already gave her a one year old car. Can't compete with that. I asked dh what we should give her and he said, "A card." ugh I know if she was getting a degree in nursing, teaching, engineering....something concrete, dh would probably not be like this. Instead, it's taken her 5 years to get degree in Communications and hasn't a clue what she wants to do. I know she'll figure it out and am still proud of her, but dh isn't. None of HIS kids even went to college, so he doesn't get that it's a process. Anyway, I'd like to pay for her airfare to Maui as her gift, but know dh would be against it since he thinks she should be getting a "real" job instead. I'll probably give her a check for certainly less than I wish I could, but probably still enough to pay her airfare. This is why I wrote the post "I miss my ex." WE would have given her a car and WE would be on board with her going to Maui. DD29 told me yesterday that her father's on board with this as well.
Well, better finish getting ready for work.
It dawned on me last night that with DD23 graduating next month, that a graduation gift is in order. My ex already gave her a one year old car. Can't compete with that. I asked dh what we should give her and he said, "A card." ugh I know if she was getting a degree in nursing, teaching, engineering....something concrete, dh would probably not be like this. Instead, it's taken her 5 years to get degree in Communications and hasn't a clue what she wants to do. I know she'll figure it out and am still proud of her, but dh isn't. None of HIS kids even went to college, so he doesn't get that it's a process. Anyway, I'd like to pay for her airfare to Maui as her gift, but know dh would be against it since he thinks she should be getting a "real" job instead. I'll probably give her a check for certainly less than I wish I could, but probably still enough to pay her airfare. This is why I wrote the post "I miss my ex." WE would have given her a car and WE would be on board with her going to Maui. DD29 told me yesterday that her father's on board with this as well.
Well, better finish getting ready for work.
Replies
I completely understand why you are feeling hurt. And I hate to say it but it is unacceptable, even in this day in age, not to return a text, Especially to your own mother. I wonder if a heart-felt email or letter might reach her as I cant imagine that she wouldnt respond to that too.
As for DD23...congratulations on her graduation. As I have a daughter getting ready for graduate from HS and I know exactly what you mean by missing the EX due to being able to give her a gift. I would love to send my daughter somewhere nice like she would like..but I am going to be lucky if I can even afford her prom dress.
I do agree with paying for her airfare to Maui though. And dont worry about DH...your right, he just doesnt understand. So give her the money anyway.
Well, hope you have a great day at work and look forward to talking with you soon!
Hugssss Sandy
Hugs
I recently went through the \"no-response\" hell with brother and sister-il. Not the same as with an AC, but the bottom line is close. When we look for emotional connection, some people are not good for that. I\'m trying to figure this out. I think something like this:
\"Unacceptable\" doesn\'t apply to feelings. We all have them (and choose whether or not to act on them, which is different).
I don\'t think there is a social consensus on email or texts and when or whether or not one has to respond. If there is, it hasn\'t been made widely known. So they are ignorant of the unstated social requirements, maybe.
What is widely known is that all the instant messaging devices means that any given person can be inundated. If you respond to person A instantly, another message can be sent immediately by person A, and you can get into a very time-consuming back and forth. Some people can\'t or don\'t have time or emotional resources to deal with it at all because of the potential for being overwhelmed. I have to realize that the relatives who don\'t respond to my reaching out also don\'t respond to other people\'s reaching out. I have to stop thinking about them and keep on getting on with my life the best way I can. Which, by the way, is still feebly. I feel like I\'m in a tiny boat on an ocean of tears. But at least I\'m not drowning.
If this isn\'t helpful, at least I meant well.
I agree, 2Getup. I have learned not to take it so personally, but it still bothers me. I just don\'t let anyone know it. That\'s why I like journaling. It allows me to put my feelings into words, then get over it quickly.
Sorry to hear about your brother and SIL. I still don\'t get it. At least when I text my friends or family members, they text back almost immediately, unlike my daughters.
HUGSSS
Thanks for understanding what I was trying to say. Your encouraging response added a little room in my head to see something else: your daughters, my son, and my brother/SIL are weaker than those who get back to us in a timely fashion. Your kindness to my clumsy attempt to respond to your journal showed me that. You are stronger than the non-responders. Wouldn\'t it be great if we were strong enough not to be hurt, strong enough just to pity them? Hugs to you, SS.
I have 4 kids and some are way better responding than others. I try not to take it personally and if I really want them to respond I inundate them with a million texts...mostly to bug them. My oldest even pushed me to call and leave voice messages over and over. I had fun with it and told him I was being abducted by aliens. He finally called me back and by that time I had forgot what I wanted from him but we both laughed at my voice messages.
I can get mad at my kids but then I have to look at myself. Do I call my mother enough? Probably not. So then I try to be a better daughter.
Don\'t take it personal. When they call thank them and tell them how much you miss them,
I hear ya, Giselle. That\'s what I\'ve been doing the last couple years. I take my frustrations out in my journal. I used to vent to dh, but it just made him dislike my daughters more than he already does. He finds them totally rude and disrespectful of me. He\'s heard how they speak to me sometimes and doesn\'t like it. They sometimes talk to me like I\'m a child...something I never did to my mother.
Anyway, I\'m done with being mad when they don\'t respond and it does seem to be helping. I still think it\'s rude and inconsiderate to not respond, but that\'s just me...and pretty much everyone I know thinks so, too! I have 2 that contact me if too much time has passed and 2 that don\'t. I guess I come from a close knit family who keeps in touch. I\'ve always called my parents once a month just to check in. I haven\'t talked to my oldest in 5 months! I\'ve reached out to her via text and she has responded, but she never takes the initiative unless she\'s moving or taking another job. She\'s much like her father...not communicative. DD27 is at least responding to my texts these days, but she just doesn\'t make the time to spend with me and she could if I was important enough, but she doesn\'t. My DD23 isn\'t even convinced she\'ll go on our girls\' weekend in June even though she said she would. That\'s the point we\'ve all come to...not expecting anything from her. She\'s given little in regards to communication with ANYONE in our family and makes no time for them. My XMIL even told me she wishes she\'d see her now and then, but DD27 just doesn\'t. I found out at my DD29\'s wedding last year that I actually was the ONLY one who saw her last year at all (on Mother\'s Day) probably because I didn\'t let up and kept texting or calling her until she responded. My poor DD29 was beside herself last year with DD27 not responding to her texts and calls regarding the wedding. DD29 actually said to me, \"If she wasn\'t my sister, I\'d drop her from the wedding and have one of my friends!\"
I love journaling. I get it all out and get over it. Plus, I\'ve decided these days that I\'m pretty fabulous (in my new pink sweater today that I bought yesterday because DD27 never got back to me about meeting for dinner) and, so THEIR loss if they don\'t spend time or call me. :)