I have had an OK week. I am still having trouble with function. The numbness is not going away, it seems to be spreading. I can still move but things are harder to do.
My right hand is half numb, my pinky & ring finger is numb. This morning they were very bad but tonight they are about half numb. This numb feeling goes up the underside of my arm & into my arm pit. The numbness also has gone up my body to mid chest. I can still move everywhere it is numb so I am not paniced. We will have to wait & see where this goes.
My vision is also getting worse. It is taking less & less to tire my eyes. One of the nurses said that may by I should give up reading. I was told about a magafine glass with a light, you hang it around your neck there is a stand to get it the right hight, told people who do crafts like needle point use them. So I am going to send my Hubby to the store to get one. If we can find one it will make reading easier as there is not too many bright lights around here.
I am finding my legs heavier then they were. It is harder to move my legs then it was a couple of weeks ago. I am going to work as hard as I can in physio to keep the strength that I have & hopefully build more. May be I am just going through a bit of a set back.
I think I am going to have to look at my days like I used to back in Sept. Take each day as it comes, deal with what I have to that day. Not to hope or worry about the future. It has been very hard this past week or two. When I go numb it is hard not to be scared. Always before I got numb first after a few days or week paralises set in. Talking to many here I have found that some people have trouble with numbness without paralises. So I am going to try to put that out of my mind.
Had a wierd conversation with Bruce. I ask him if he would be disapointed if I never walked again. I am feeling very down about this numbness & what it means. He told me he would be disapointed but not in me. He told me to hang in there, said it may take years. He told me I could never disapoint him unless I gave up. He told me if I did not make it home he still would not be disapointed in me. As long as I tried to work at being the most functional that I can be, he is happy no matter how much or little that function may be. (I do not deserve him) But that made me feel better.
I think it is a constant struggle for us to be happy & hopeful - but not to be unrealistict with our heads in the clouds
to accept our illness but not to be beaten down by it.
to take it easy but still try to lead a fulfilling life
This I have to work on.
until later
My right hand is half numb, my pinky & ring finger is numb. This morning they were very bad but tonight they are about half numb. This numb feeling goes up the underside of my arm & into my arm pit. The numbness also has gone up my body to mid chest. I can still move everywhere it is numb so I am not paniced. We will have to wait & see where this goes.
My vision is also getting worse. It is taking less & less to tire my eyes. One of the nurses said that may by I should give up reading. I was told about a magafine glass with a light, you hang it around your neck there is a stand to get it the right hight, told people who do crafts like needle point use them. So I am going to send my Hubby to the store to get one. If we can find one it will make reading easier as there is not too many bright lights around here.
I am finding my legs heavier then they were. It is harder to move my legs then it was a couple of weeks ago. I am going to work as hard as I can in physio to keep the strength that I have & hopefully build more. May be I am just going through a bit of a set back.
I think I am going to have to look at my days like I used to back in Sept. Take each day as it comes, deal with what I have to that day. Not to hope or worry about the future. It has been very hard this past week or two. When I go numb it is hard not to be scared. Always before I got numb first after a few days or week paralises set in. Talking to many here I have found that some people have trouble with numbness without paralises. So I am going to try to put that out of my mind.
Had a wierd conversation with Bruce. I ask him if he would be disapointed if I never walked again. I am feeling very down about this numbness & what it means. He told me he would be disapointed but not in me. He told me to hang in there, said it may take years. He told me I could never disapoint him unless I gave up. He told me if I did not make it home he still would not be disapointed in me. As long as I tried to work at being the most functional that I can be, he is happy no matter how much or little that function may be. (I do not deserve him) But that made me feel better.
I think it is a constant struggle for us to be happy & hopeful - but not to be unrealistict with our heads in the clouds
to accept our illness but not to be beaten down by it.
to take it easy but still try to lead a fulfilling life
This I have to work on.
until later
Replies
Hi Kayce,
Sorry you are having a hard time again, but you did surprise me and you know how?
You surprised me because you were beating yourself up and that is not like you, as you are always so positive and always know I\'m here if you want or need to talk.
Keep up the positive thoughts and I do believe that you will walk sometime this year, as you know I always believe in you, you are just so much of an inspiration to me and many more.
Happy New Years Kayce
Dave
Oh sweet Kayce, I\'m so sorry you are feeling so down. Hopefully this is just a passing thing.
Sorry for the tough love but what do you mean you don\'t deserve Bruce and his love at this love? Of course you do!
You haven\'t changed. Only your body has. All of our bodies do over the years. I\'ve been married for 41 years and believe me, even without the MS, this body isn\'t the one my husband married. LOL You are being too hard on yourself and I understand but so does Bruce and he loves you no matter what. And so do we.
Gentle hugs,
Linda
hey Kayce,
hope the numbness clears soon, numbness is one of the most common symptoms of ms and it generally dissipates up over time, this could just be a slight exasperation.
regarding your vision, have you thought about getting books electronically and using software on your computer to read them out to you when your eyes are acting up? also in widows seven there is software which allows you to talk to your computer rather than type. plus there are many free utilities which read out all text such as emails etc which are handy. let me know if your interested and i will do some research to find the best set up for you.
i like your analogy one day at a time...... and to deal with that day.
Bruce sounds like one of the good guys, he is all right in my book.
I believe a fulfilling life is exactly what you will achieve, keep up the great work!
Richard