I am so tired it is hard to believe. I have a cold a idy bidy cold, the only symptoms I have is a tickley throat, stuffy nose, and I am tired beyond belief.
I have only been sleeping for 5 hrs a night. I find it hard to sleep in new places. This is what happened the last time I was here at St. Mary's. Only then I was in rehab, I got so tired I ended up in a MS attack. I need to let go of my worries and sleep.
It takes me awhile to trust, I know it is because I was abused as a kid. The simple thing of not being able to get into my wheelchair on my own, makes me have to trust someone. I try not to think about it to much.
The last three months has been very hard on me. To be told that I'm not going to get better, to be paralized from chest down. Then not being able to do my own pari care, bowel care, to have someone feed me, with my history. I am suprised that I am still sane.
Bruce is having a bad day today. He has put fluid on his chest again. He has conjestive heart failure, and I worry about him. He does not look after himself. He is too busy trying to get things for me, he says that it is bad enough that I have to live in hospital, I should have the things that I want/need. I keep telling him that what I need is for him to be alive and well.
Today I think I got through to him. I told him that I was afraid to ask for anything because I was afraid he would push himself too hard so I would rather go without then to ask. So today he took the day off to sleep as he is just as tired as I am.
Tomorrow is a new day and I hope a good one
I have only been sleeping for 5 hrs a night. I find it hard to sleep in new places. This is what happened the last time I was here at St. Mary's. Only then I was in rehab, I got so tired I ended up in a MS attack. I need to let go of my worries and sleep.
It takes me awhile to trust, I know it is because I was abused as a kid. The simple thing of not being able to get into my wheelchair on my own, makes me have to trust someone. I try not to think about it to much.
The last three months has been very hard on me. To be told that I'm not going to get better, to be paralized from chest down. Then not being able to do my own pari care, bowel care, to have someone feed me, with my history. I am suprised that I am still sane.
Bruce is having a bad day today. He has put fluid on his chest again. He has conjestive heart failure, and I worry about him. He does not look after himself. He is too busy trying to get things for me, he says that it is bad enough that I have to live in hospital, I should have the things that I want/need. I keep telling him that what I need is for him to be alive and well.
Today I think I got through to him. I told him that I was afraid to ask for anything because I was afraid he would push himself too hard so I would rather go without then to ask. So today he took the day off to sleep as he is just as tired as I am.
Tomorrow is a new day and I hope a good one
Replies
You both are going through SO much! But it\'s obvious how much you love each other, and that\'s wonderful.
I\'m hope you\'re able to get a bit more comfortable at St. Mary\'s; I think you\'re an incredibly brave person.
I hope your husband feels better soon.
I\'m glad he took a day for himself to recharge his battery. Men are so good at telling us to take care of ourselves but rarely follow their own advise. The trust issues will take time to resolve so don\'t be too hard on yourself. You have so many people here pulling for you and your hubby and thinking of you everyday. Gentle hugs. Linda
Sorry to hear you are getting a cold. My husband and daughter are at the beginnings of a bad cold, and they both are miserable. I feel for you if you have this coming. Cold bring on infections, and we know what infections do to MSers. Take care of yourself on that note.
Not sleeping? I too hate when I travel, as sleeping in a strange bed does me in too. Pretty soon you will get use to the bed. Hopefully you thought to bring your own pillows to help you aclimate to the new surroundings. Have you brought pictures or other items from your home to decorate your room? That would be nice, and might help ease the restlessness you feel at night if you had some reminders of home with you.
Your poor husband...worrying so about you and trying to deal with his own health conditions. He must remember that he can\'t take care of anyone if he doesn\'t learn to take care of himself. Maybe to ease his anxieties, could he stay with you some nights? Are you in a private room? Most men don\'t take care of themselves because they worry about everybody else. Bruce is going to have to think about himself now, especially because he does you no good if his health is failing him. Can you think about selling your house an having him move into a facility where he wouldn\'thave to worry about yard work? There are going to be so many life changing events coming your way, both of you will have to be strong to deal with them all. You probably have the next 5-6 therapy sessions just dealing with this all! haha, seriously though. Bruce and you sound very much in love, a true great love with each other. He is worrying about you, and you are worrying about him. Both of you together worrying about each other will make everything you have to deal with a little less stressful. Because you have each other. Thank goodness. You both are putting each other\'s needs first, so you both are bound to come out on top.
With all your new care, you are going to have to learn to trust others. Hopefully you will get use to the nurses at the facility you are at, and that might help you to learn trust, because you have to learn to let go of your inhibitions about so much. I will be thinking of you on this note. Also, it would make good session with your therapist to discuss this issue?
I\'m not a particularly religious person Kayce, but I do include you in my prayers at night. I pray for you to have the strength you need to accept what has happened to you. I think of you and Bruce often. Thanks for accepting my friend request. If you would ever like to message me, feel free. Lynne