Happy Birthday Ric, today would have been your 50th; we sent you some balloons with messages on, to tell you how much we love and miss you. I dreamt of you ageing last night, that your death had been a terrible mistake, and that you were still alive. I never got to buy you the motorbike you always wanted, so I damn well hope you got one today. This time last year, our lives were just normal, we weren't to know that 12 months later our worlds would be upside down. We are trying hard Ric; your family annoy me though, they just seem to ignore or block out occasions like today and don't get in touch. I'm sorry that we lost each other and Thom lost his daddy and you lost your son. We have loads of memories to treasure and we will keep them locked safe in our hearts where no one can ever take them away from us. Love always Ric, Nic and Thom xxxxx
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Well Ric, we have just come back from our first holiday without you, and boy it was tough! It felt like I had lost you all over again, at tea times I kept expecting you to walk in the apartment after you had been swimming in the sea for ages or from flying one of your model planes. Some days I didn\'t want to get out of bed, it seemed pointless, but I did for Thom. Every night he would look up to the sky and say look mummy daddy\'s there the brightest star in the sky xx The last day we went to watch the sun go down by the sea, it was so calm and the clouds looked so beautiful. Thom saw a fish in a rock pool, it was the first he had seen all holiday, and I told him that you must have sent it to see him.
I sat and cried so hard, Cyprus was the place bursting with happy memories and good times, for all of us, and now you are not here to share those.... And the happy feeling that you get when you are on holiday just isn\'t the same anymore without you; yes we made the best of what we could, but it has changed for ever. Thom lit a candle for you in the church, and we did lots of things that we all did together as a family xxx
I\'ve felt angry at you for the last two days and I\'m sorry, but I\'m angry that you are not here. Thoms hamster died whilst we were away, we got a new one today and he accidentally let it out in his bedroom. I was too scared to pick it up and shouted at Thom for letting it out. He broke down crying for you cos he knew that if you were here, you would have just picked it up; I feel so useless at times, but I have to be able to do everything now for our son, and sometimes I just can\'t! Anyway after an afternoon of trap laying we caught it and got it in the cage... then tonight the cat jumped on the cage and it fell apart and nearly escaped or got ate! but we rescued it.
We had a good bonfire night last nite, Thom said you would have loved the fireworks being able to watch them from the sky.
We both miss you Ric, it\'s really hard without you, I so want to give up a lot of the time, but I have to look after our son xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Missing you xxxxx