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as the final (hopefully) day approaches I have so many things going through my mind. all these years and I find myself trying to analyze them. Why did I stay for so long? Would my life be different if I had left so much earlier?
I do believe that I had to go through what I did to get me where I am today. sure, it was painful. I did get my 2 wonderful awesome sons out of all those years. I thank God every day for them. They made it worth it for me. I have them and sad as it is he doesnt. I can't change their feelings. He can't either. They are adults. I can only show them this parent isn't going anywhere. I never have and never will.
sometimes it may make you wonder why parts of our lives seem so bad. Life is like that. God isn't punishing us or teaching us a lesson. He leads us through things to make us stronger. He is always there. It is up to us if we acknowledge that in the right way. I have learned that although I have always believed in him I may not have been his true disciple. I did only reach out when it was a bad time for his guidance. I have since learned that everyday I thank him for what he did the day before and I thank him ahead of time for what he will do for me the next day.
I may struggle with emotions. I may feel like I am back pedaling in my decisions. I may feel like it is too hard to handle on my own. But then I realize I am never alone. I may not have a husband any more but when I remember what I have gone through to have that man in my life I realize this life without him is so much better. I have so much more now. I have a life that has love in it. Not the love of a man but the love of myself. The love of my children. The love of true friends. And the love of God. he is always there.