I'm in a bad place right now. More and more I find myself desperately alone. I could count every friend I have right now on one hand, and still have fingers left. I dont say that as an exaggeration like many people seem to enjoy doing these days, I can honestly only think of three friends I have as of now, one of which is willing to talk to me commonly. I am alone, but not only mentally, I have become so physically isolated it is terrible. I spend days on end utterly alone, devoid of human contact save the sounds of people in my apartment. I cant keep this up, my mental state is deteriorating very quickly, and I fear what will happen if it makes the last painful lurch into the chasm. Pitiful isnt it, that all I am asking for is a little human contact, some basic interaction, something to validate that I am alive, not just some ghost in the world staring in unknowing that I've long since become forgotten. In this moment I feel many things but atop my list is a yearning that someone will read this and not simply cast it off. But when I've tried to write something with such intents lately, I've always been left at the butt end of my own joke, as alone beforehand as afterwards. If you read this, whoever you are, thank you. But I dont hold much hope that it will happen. Nihil sub sole novum
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There are lots of people out there who support & care about you. We know what you\'re going through because we have been there too. We see your posts and we get it. You are not alone. I have found Toni Bernhard\'s book \'how to be sick\' very helpful with I am feeling very isolated. Also chronicbabe.com and support groups on facebook. Please be good to yourself and know that there will be better days. Sending you love & good energy!
Hey 3Legs! I know exactly what you talk about & exactly what you mean!!! I totally get you & your pain of lonliness & isolation! I have one good friend! And, thanks to her today I was able to pay my utilities, car payment & get gas! I have an appt. 2 counties up on the 20th to see a neuro, then go to the hospital & have MRI\"s of my spine done, & then I have to see my RA after that!
Anyway! I just have the one friend! If you have 3 then you are very very lucky!!! :) I would love to have more friends--but only if they could be a true friend the way this one is & stick with me & by me no matter what! If I could have a million like her I\'d take them all!!! But she is truly that 1 IN A MILION!
If you don\'t mind me asking, where is your mom??? Or your family??? Do you all speak? Did something happen to your mom? And, why are you physically isolated?
Lonliness takes a tole on the mental state, physical as well I believe, faster & more worse than anything!!! I think it is the worst of worst to deal with!!! It\'s worse than any disease!!!
You write very very well!!! Very poetically!!! :) I love the way that you write & express yourself! I write poetry myself, off & on!? Though not on a regualar basis! I play the guitar also & have written a few songs!? Nothing that would probably make it to the radio!? LOL :) But I like them! Esp. the one! But due to being poor I have had the guitar & amp in pawn most of the time that I have lived here! My friend got it out for me once & I swore to hell that I\'d never ever put it back in!!! And, I did! To pay bills! And, I have regreted it every since!!! She got it out once, but I know that she won\'t get it out again! And, further more!!! It\'s NOT HER RESONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF ME OR TO DO THINGS LIKE THAT OR TO PAY MY WAY OR TO HELP ME OUT AT ALL REALLY!!! BUT WHEN SHE DOES I AM SOOOOO SOOOOOO GREATFUL!!! IT BRINGS ME TO TEARS EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT SHE DOES SOMETHING WONDERFUL, KIND, COMPASSIONATE & CARING LIKE THAT!!! I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO WIN THE LOTTERY SO THAT I COULD PAY HER BACK!!! And, so I could pay up my bills & pay some of them ahead--like my utilites!? And, so I could pay off this stupid vehicle that my son left me in debt for & so I could get another one, & esp.... right now so that I can get a new roof put on my house & get new ceilings put in. That would make me very very happy to be able to do all of that! AND, PLUS BE ABLE TO GET RID OF ALL THE TREE SHIT AROUND MY HOUSE, & SO I COULD STRAIGHTEN OUT MY FENCE LINES QUIET NICELY & PUT UP A GREAT FENCE FOR MY DOGS & ME!
Anyway!!! I do know exactly what that is like & exactly how it feels!!! And, exactly how severely detrimental that it is to ones mental health! It has depressed me greatly & has sent me over the edge more than once!!! It has taken a huge tole on my mental & physically too!!! And, on my spiritual healt as well!
And, you did a really great & wonderful job of putting this into words!!! Nobody could have ever said this any better than you did right here!!! I only wish that when I talked about it here many times that I could have worded it so well as you did!!! :) And, remember! I only have one, so you have two more than I do!!! :) That\'s a good thing! And, even though I\'m not there at all & can\'t be I can be a good friend to you if you would like!? And, I do care about you! It is nice having young person here! I miss having my son in my life & you make me think of him!!! NOT THAT IS IT NICE THAT YOU HAVE MS OR ANYTHING & HAVE TO BE HERE!!! THAT PART IS TERRIBLE!!!! NOT NICE AT ALL!!!! I WOULDN\'T WISH THAT ON YOU EVER!!! I REALLY WOULDN\'T!!!
But it nice having you here in the group!!! You seem like a very nice, very very talented young man!
Well! I\'ve had a terrible two weeks now with the tornado & another doggie EM & it is late here & I need to stop talking & go to be now!!! :)
So you just hang in there & know that other people out here do give a crap about you & others as well!
Hey threelegs, time to get out and let those rays of sunshine onto your face!
I found a website that I like to go onto and talk to other people its alot of fun. Its called Experience Project. Why dont you sign up there and start talking to people. There is a questions and answers area, its alot of fun people post questions about everything and anything and then you can answer them. Or you can ask a question yourself and get replies. People also write stories on there, and others write poems. It is a great time waster and I found it a good way to meet others that also feel isolated. Just a suggestion, that might help.