Overwhelming, there really isn't a better word for it. I can hear a noise in my head, when I listen for it it seems distant and I am drawn to force myself to hear it more clearly. If I try to ignore it or not pay attention, it rises to a cataclysmic roaring so overbearing I find it impossible to function normally. A twisted malformed creature stand in the doorway staring at me screaming at me, calling me a failure and berating me endlessly. The girl with no eyes sits there crying forever, silently weeping because I no longer can. My body burns with pain, every movement, even those to type this send waves of pain up my arms, into my chest, to burn in my very core. Every sight, every sound, every feeling betrays me. We are told there are six senses. I once found an interesting piece about there being many more senses, perhaps dozens. Things like social intuition, emotional recognition, love. Even these feel skewed and betray me in these moments. My mind tries to process everything at once and this is my failing. I need to understand. I cant let go of the reigns. I must find  a way to understand and seize control of myself.  But I cant cope with all of this at once, not alone. But I must. It is in these moments, when we are alone and cannot seek nor ask for help that we test the mettle of our souls. But does survival alone prove anything? Does simply pushing through knowing we will face it again show strength?
 I suppose I have stood so far. When gripped in fear I chose to resist. And always shall I resist.