Everything feels so distant, so vague, illusive. Sometimes I wonder if i truly experience moments of lucidity in my daily life. I try not to, and I dont mean by way of drugs or intoxicants, just through throwing up mental walls. I block out the pain, the sadness, the anger with simpler emotions, things that are instinctual. Pain becomes fear, which I cant channel more easily. Sadness becomes confusion, which makes it easy because I just spend the day searching for an answer. But anger, anger is so basic, so human, so deeply ingrained into the root of my being, I find it nearly impossible to block it when it gets bad. I fight it but even the fight against it frustrates me. Anger feeds into itself, pooling and stewing into a bitter dish that the mind of the trapped feed upon endlessly. It is so hard to avoid this basic cycle, But i fight it still. But right now, when I feel so distant, so very confused, so out of my consciousness, there is no anger. I'm too distant to care about these trivial matters that enrage me. Its a pleasant calm.