Thanksgiving....
My last journal entry was about a break-up which apparently to him didn’t happen. He contacted me and informed me that was just angry with me and that’s why he hung up and I didn’t hear from him for a week. Wanted me to come over and spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with him, which was okay and we discussed having a conversation about what we wanted to do. I get there on Tuesday after the kids had school and stayed til Sunday. Everything was great. Thanksgiving was wonderful, spent it with his father’s side. They are a lively bunch with lots of laughter and enjoyment, had a wonderful meal there and then went to a dinner at his sister’s house with his mother. I’ve learned to keep my conversations with her short and sweet. She’s the conspiracy nut who thinks everyone is out to get her. Also she’s a hypochondriac , if she’s got a mole that’s been there for years it’s suddenly cancer. I keep conversation with her to a minimum but I still enjoy my time. That was my Thanksgiving day. Lots of entertainment, no stress or anything so it was nice.
We had a few issues with the kids we dealt with as they came up and everything seemed fine. He wasn’t overly lovey to me and wanted to hold my hand in public. Gave me proper attention, not too much but not ignoring me either. So Sunday comes round and we sit to have our talk which is hard enough to do because of the conversation let alone 4 kids running round the house and of course as soon as we start there’s always something that comes up we have to address with them. So in and out of our conversation we do parts and try to see where we both stand. I had emailed him a letter that he had and will never reply to so we started with that one. I asked him if he had anything to share or what he thought of and as usual nope. I asked what he thought about it and nothing. I started with things around the house. How I thought a few things needed attention, like the kids room’s being dirty. I’m not talking about just things here and there. I am talking about 4 inches of clothes all over the floors, broken glass, candy wrappers everywhere, broken toys and misc stuff like this. He makes them clean it up once a week and when they do just like their chores he doesn’t usually follow-up. They’ll hide stuff under the beds, behind the doors, in the closets and dressers. So it’s a cover job. He doesn’t hold them accountable for what they do or don’t do. He’ll glance by and if it looks better he’s happy. His room is also the same way just not all over the floor, his dresser is covered along with the computer desk with everything and the closet has stuff shoved in there. I told him I believe it stems to other problems like their lack of responsibilities and taking care of things like toys or now since they are older mp3’s or radio’s and such. Like last Christmas one of the kids did get an mp3 (cheap one) and it was broke within a few months because they chose to leave it outside. That’s not his concern, not that he said it wasn’t but just didn’t give any feedback on what I said. I asked him if he had anything he wanted to talk about and he said that he wanted to live more than just mediocre. I said that’s good, I want that too. Not to be living paycheck to paycheck as we once were and being able to do a little more. I agreed and commended him on how well he’s was doing with school and such. I also complimented him on the fact that he had been trying to implement chores for the kids and such around the house but did let him know it matters more that he follows thru with checking over what they do to make sure it was done right and not just part way. He got defensive and claimed that he does look over their jobs and doesn’t see a problem. I used the bathroom as an example. He has his daughter (8 yrs old) do it which entails the counter and the mirror and supposedly the toilet. It had been done the day we came down but I had to go over the toilet because it was that gross. I wouldn’t want to sit on something that had so much crap (literally) on it. He said it must have just happened. No I don’t think so. The whole seat was dirty. Don’t get me started on how the inside of the toilet was. I said this type of stuff is important for the kids to understand how to do something and do it right, not to slack off just because and to know that there is consequences from not doing it right. I can understand it being just a beginners things but that’s not this case. He doesn’t really care. If I want it differently then I need to be there to enforce it. I told him I was concerned about the physical stuff that had been happening lately like his other daughter (11 years old) who pushed him when she got mad about something and his remedy was to push her back and get into her face about it. I don’t want my kids influenced to some level that this type of behavior is acceptable. His oldest son (13 yrs old) has been staying home with the kids and babysitting lately and has been “punishing” them for things because he felt as though it was his place to because the N didn’t explain his role in watching over his sisters. Literally fights breaking out which I understand can happen (my brother and I did the same thing when we were younger) but the N didn’t help diffuse the situation by talking it out with his son until 2 months after it started. Along with tons of other problems it seems as though he still is giving me the “ultimatum” to move back by Christmas or it’s over.
He asked me what my decision was and after going over a few of my concerns with the kids and how things were handled his reply was “I didn’t ask for a lecture, it’s a simple yes or no answer” and walked out of the room. When I tried to explain to him that this battle within me is like a tug of war match between my heart and my mind he was dumbfounded as to why. Like he didn’t hear anything I just previously stated. He doesn’t acknowledge what I say, agree or disagree with me or offer any kind of resolution. The asbestos and mold problem is my problem because since they don’t use the basement that much now and if I was to move back my daughter would be living in the basement. He’s got the blinders on that as long as it doesn’t affect him personally than it’s not his problem. It gets on my nerves. Not to have some kind of decent conversation and come to some resolution or plan. Then he continues to bring up past actions. He can’t “trust” me because I left after living with him for 7 years and dealing with the bs on an everyday basis but he can’t trust me now? He can call and ask me to loan him some money but he can’t trust me? I do not understand his reasoning at all. What’s sad is that it doesn’t make it easier for me to make a decision one way or the other.
We had a few issues with the kids we dealt with as they came up and everything seemed fine. He wasn’t overly lovey to me and wanted to hold my hand in public. Gave me proper attention, not too much but not ignoring me either. So Sunday comes round and we sit to have our talk which is hard enough to do because of the conversation let alone 4 kids running round the house and of course as soon as we start there’s always something that comes up we have to address with them. So in and out of our conversation we do parts and try to see where we both stand. I had emailed him a letter that he had and will never reply to so we started with that one. I asked him if he had anything to share or what he thought of and as usual nope. I asked what he thought about it and nothing. I started with things around the house. How I thought a few things needed attention, like the kids room’s being dirty. I’m not talking about just things here and there. I am talking about 4 inches of clothes all over the floors, broken glass, candy wrappers everywhere, broken toys and misc stuff like this. He makes them clean it up once a week and when they do just like their chores he doesn’t usually follow-up. They’ll hide stuff under the beds, behind the doors, in the closets and dressers. So it’s a cover job. He doesn’t hold them accountable for what they do or don’t do. He’ll glance by and if it looks better he’s happy. His room is also the same way just not all over the floor, his dresser is covered along with the computer desk with everything and the closet has stuff shoved in there. I told him I believe it stems to other problems like their lack of responsibilities and taking care of things like toys or now since they are older mp3’s or radio’s and such. Like last Christmas one of the kids did get an mp3 (cheap one) and it was broke within a few months because they chose to leave it outside. That’s not his concern, not that he said it wasn’t but just didn’t give any feedback on what I said. I asked him if he had anything he wanted to talk about and he said that he wanted to live more than just mediocre. I said that’s good, I want that too. Not to be living paycheck to paycheck as we once were and being able to do a little more. I agreed and commended him on how well he’s was doing with school and such. I also complimented him on the fact that he had been trying to implement chores for the kids and such around the house but did let him know it matters more that he follows thru with checking over what they do to make sure it was done right and not just part way. He got defensive and claimed that he does look over their jobs and doesn’t see a problem. I used the bathroom as an example. He has his daughter (8 yrs old) do it which entails the counter and the mirror and supposedly the toilet. It had been done the day we came down but I had to go over the toilet because it was that gross. I wouldn’t want to sit on something that had so much crap (literally) on it. He said it must have just happened. No I don’t think so. The whole seat was dirty. Don’t get me started on how the inside of the toilet was. I said this type of stuff is important for the kids to understand how to do something and do it right, not to slack off just because and to know that there is consequences from not doing it right. I can understand it being just a beginners things but that’s not this case. He doesn’t really care. If I want it differently then I need to be there to enforce it. I told him I was concerned about the physical stuff that had been happening lately like his other daughter (11 years old) who pushed him when she got mad about something and his remedy was to push her back and get into her face about it. I don’t want my kids influenced to some level that this type of behavior is acceptable. His oldest son (13 yrs old) has been staying home with the kids and babysitting lately and has been “punishing” them for things because he felt as though it was his place to because the N didn’t explain his role in watching over his sisters. Literally fights breaking out which I understand can happen (my brother and I did the same thing when we were younger) but the N didn’t help diffuse the situation by talking it out with his son until 2 months after it started. Along with tons of other problems it seems as though he still is giving me the “ultimatum” to move back by Christmas or it’s over.
He asked me what my decision was and after going over a few of my concerns with the kids and how things were handled his reply was “I didn’t ask for a lecture, it’s a simple yes or no answer” and walked out of the room. When I tried to explain to him that this battle within me is like a tug of war match between my heart and my mind he was dumbfounded as to why. Like he didn’t hear anything I just previously stated. He doesn’t acknowledge what I say, agree or disagree with me or offer any kind of resolution. The asbestos and mold problem is my problem because since they don’t use the basement that much now and if I was to move back my daughter would be living in the basement. He’s got the blinders on that as long as it doesn’t affect him personally than it’s not his problem. It gets on my nerves. Not to have some kind of decent conversation and come to some resolution or plan. Then he continues to bring up past actions. He can’t “trust” me because I left after living with him for 7 years and dealing with the bs on an everyday basis but he can’t trust me now? He can call and ask me to loan him some money but he can’t trust me? I do not understand his reasoning at all. What’s sad is that it doesn’t make it easier for me to make a decision one way or the other.
Replies