2 years ago
2 years ago, I had relaxed, slightly...Cassi seemed to be in good spirits. In 3 days she would be gone.
How the hell did I end up here??? The pain is overwhelming. Whatcan I do??? How can I get through this when I don't even want to???
I don't know what to do.
How the hell did I end up here??? The pain is overwhelming. Whatcan I do??? How can I get through this when I don't even want to???
I don't know what to do.
Replies
I have no words of wisdom or a new way to handle the pain of your loss. I can off you a shoulder to lean on, a hug, and knowledge that you are not alone. I talked to my Tony a couple of days before meningitis stole him away. The sound of his voice is on a cd of a voicemail he left me. I treasure that cd more than my life right now. I try so hard to just put one foot in front of the other some days. Anyway, I am here if you want to talk or vent.
Hugs
Dear Gina,
I don\'t claim to have the answer to your question. On Jan. 13, it was 2 years since Charlie\'s \'transition.\' I thought that the beginning of year 3 would bring more peace. That doesn\'t seem to be the case, though. Things seem to be more tumultuous instead.
I can relate to what you\'re feeling. I just wanna wake up from this & have Charlie back here. I wonder if others have had these same feelings at roughly 2 years out. I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!!!!!! And there\'s not a d--n thing I can do about it.
I wish I had more soothing words for you in your pain. But I hope it helps you some to know that you\'re not alone. At 2 years & 17 days, existence is still overwhelming for me, too. I understand where you are because I\'m in the same place. What I want to tell you is this. Other moms have said that it WILL get better. I try to hang on to that, kinda like a life preserver. You hang on to it, too. YOU matter to many others & the world still needs you. Try to keep on keeping on, no matter what.
Big hugs,
Donna
I wish I could tell you... but I don\'t know how... The time passes... the days, weeks, months and years pile up... sometimes I wonder how can it have been so long... sometimes I\'m so mad I could kick something... I am so sorry... all I can say is I hear you and I care. Holding you and Cassi in my heart. Hugs Elissa
Two years is still very recent. Give yourself more time. I\'m six years out and have many peaceful moments. Distract yourself if possible. I went to gym all the time. Great for the body. Couldn\'t stay home at all. Now, I\'m home most of the time, and I\'m fat again.
We each find ways to get past the hard times. Friends, writing on our journals, like you just did, calling a friend or family member who understands. You will get through this too, death is not an answer. Our children are in our hearts forever, every cell in our bodies is aware of the terrible loss. Day by day we put on our shoes and go out to meet the day. Hang in there, Abby
You do just what you are doing now and only live as much as you can in the moment you are in. Here you are almost two years later and I\'m certain that you cannot believe that you still here, yet you are. Yes, war torn, scared, heartbroken, forever changed and still with a life to live.
This is when you do whatever it takes to make it another breath and moment. Cuddle up with your fur babies and watch a movie if you can, sleep, keep hydrating yourself with water even if you don\'t feel hungry, reach out to a friend, anyone who can hold the space for you. I have a high school friend, named Leigh, who has not lost a child, yet I knew I could call her day or night and she just allowed me to be however I needed to be. If she could barely hear an audible voice on the other end, she knew it was me and I just needed someone to receive my tears and allow me to cry.
None of us know what it is truly like for one another, yet we are the closest it gets so keep journaling as you are, doing whatever it takes to get to the other side of the moment and the day. You can do this!
None of us are special, we are each just women who have suffered the worst losses possible and that is what you are doing, Gina. You are surviving and this is a very dark and painful time. You know how to ride this wave so lean into it and keep riding, my friend. I\'m SO sorry and my heart aches with you.
Loving, loving care,
XO Joanie
I do like how Joanie says ride the wave. We all could use surfing lessons but like when our child is born, we did not get an owners manual we don\'t get a manual on loss written just for each of us. This I am afraid is on the job learning. Our new job is to learn to live again, It is not always easy, but meeting each new goal is rewarding. I am at 7 years this year seems very hard, much harder then year 5 or 6. I do not know why it just is.....
Sending you very tight hugs
Penny
One breath at a time. The only way I get through it is one prayer, one hundred tears, and one breath at a time.
Grief is a life long process and just as we are unique as humans, our grief is unique. Each of us grieve differently. It\'s been almost 9 years this may since I lost my son and some days, it\'s fairly fresh and other days so long ago. I think of my son several times a day and at times the tears can come to the surface so easily but I do recover quicker. Just like Joanie said, it\'s a wave of emotions. Allow yourself to feel numb, mad, sad...all those multitude of emotions. Be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. You\'ve made it through all those \"firsts\" so hopefully there are no more anticipations of emotions just the ones you continue to feel. Just tread water until that wave recedes and that black cloud passes. Until then, we are here for you. Prayers for peace and comfort. Much love. Robin
Just keep keeping on...and as hard as it is for you to believe in this moment...it will change. You are valuable and matter to so many...and you are helping others as you help yourself on this journey. Love and prayers
my heart hurts with you. I am screaming from the highest rooftop with you...I don\'t know how I do it but I do know I do. I come here as you do because you know we understand and all of us are one step away from falling apart some days....
Wish I had words,,,,to help but DAMMIT THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!! Just me with you, praying,hugging you tight....
Gina, there are no easy answers. How I survived 6 years is to feel what I feel and enjoy the gentler days and ride out the hardest waves. We will always long for our kids..of that I am certain. But along with that reality is the reality that over time and taking good care of ourselves, seeing and feeling beauty where we can and absorbing it, allowing love to wash over us, that the mending of our broken heart may begin and some of the brokenness may be replaced with scar tissue. Tightest of hugs and much love, Linda
Gina, you just live one day at a time. Hell, one hour or one minute at a time. The two year mark was one of the hardest for me too. The shock and numbness wear off and reality sets in. Just know we are all here and we all understand. You are not alone and we love you.
((((HUGS)))), Julia