2 Weeks
Today marks 2 weeks since I lost my precious son. In some ways, it feels like 2 days, and in others, 2 years. Time has a way of becoming irrelevant. I had a short dream this morning...my mom and I were walking into the back parking lot of the complex I live in, and I suddenly realized Jeff wasn't with us. I called him, and he emerged out of the neighbour's yard..then I woke up. It was so vivid, everything was as it is...not distorted like most dreams. It left me feeling peaceful, but depressed at the same time. And the other day, a lady who works with a friend of mine had a dream that Jeff and I were sitting in the Whitespot at the plaza where she works. We used to go in there a lot, when it was a different restaurant. I'm hoping that these are signs, or visitations. I am hoping that I have a visitation dream with my son and my husband together. My greatest wish at this time is that they are together. I miss them both so much.
What I can't figure out, is that the grieving is different for both of them. When my husband passed, he had been sick, and I guess I had started grieving right from the day the doctor gave me his diagnosis. I cried and cried and cried, every night for about 9 months. When my son died, I was in total shock and disbelief...it was so sudden, no warning at all. I think, to some extent, I still am. I cry for him, for both of them every day since it happened. But it's not as constant as it was with Tom. I wonder if maybe I was grieving for both my son and myself when Tom died. I really don't know anything other than the fact that my whole family is gone, and I really don't know what to do now..Jeff was my whole life we were always together. Now it's just me...and I f***ing hate it.
What I can't figure out, is that the grieving is different for both of them. When my husband passed, he had been sick, and I guess I had started grieving right from the day the doctor gave me his diagnosis. I cried and cried and cried, every night for about 9 months. When my son died, I was in total shock and disbelief...it was so sudden, no warning at all. I think, to some extent, I still am. I cry for him, for both of them every day since it happened. But it's not as constant as it was with Tom. I wonder if maybe I was grieving for both my son and myself when Tom died. I really don't know anything other than the fact that my whole family is gone, and I really don't know what to do now..Jeff was my whole life we were always together. Now it's just me...and I f***ing hate it.
Replies
Wendi, I truly believe your husband and son are together with all my heart! I cannot imagine the level of pain you must be in. Both of them were your everything. Please know I think of you often! Hugs and Love to you dear friend, Michele
Prayers......
I hope you get you dream visit. I believe they are together and they are whole now. I hope your pain eases. I know it\'s too early for that to happen, but I hope it does nonetheless.
Love and Big Hugs,
Martha
I firmly believe they are together! In fact, I have no doubt. I stronger believe in the afterlife and have had too many signs not to believe. My thoughts are with you Wendi and my biggest hugs! Diane
Grieving is different for each of us...and with two losses so close together it is probably difficult to distinguish for whom you are grieving. Just be gentle with yourself and maneuver through these days with care.
So glad that you had a dream (visit) from your son...those are precious.
Love and hugs...Karen
I cannot even remember where I was or what life was like at two weeks. I was in a gray fog and suspended within a cocoon, I believe. I was going through the motions of living because I was called to do that, yet in the wee hours of the morning I would awaken and was in the disbelief that you speak of.
Those visits are so very precious and I have no doubt that your husband was waiting for your son and they are together. This is a hope that I hold onto because it gives me comfort and lets me know that this life is not it and there will be more.
Do everything that you can to nurture yourself and to be kind to your BEing. However that might and feel and know that you are gathering tools now and they change and evolve as you do. One of my most powerful healing tools is being able to land here to know that I am not alone. There are other sisters of the heart (soth) as we are called who get \"it.\"
Loving care and so much understanding... Easy does it with your tender heart.
XO Joanie
Wendi,
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I can\'t imagine the depth of your grief. My heart goes out to you.
I hope you will consider reaching out to a bereavement support group and being among others that understand your pain.
Stay strong and take it a day at a time. We are here for you.
Love and hugs, Lori