2 Steps Back
So yesterday I went back to work after being out for two weeks due to surgery and it felt great to be back, I happened to work a 12 hour shift and during the entire time I was at work I didn't think about her or dwell on what had happened. I did how ever think of the son that I'm losing, I miss him so much. When I was young I always told myself that there would be no way in hell I could ever get with a woman with kids from a previous relationship and then what do you know, I met someone with a 3 year old and 7 1/2 years later this kid is calling me dad and he's my son. It's true what they say that you can't tell your heart who or what to love. Today I'm thinking I lost my wife, but most importantly I'm losing my son, this child who I was unsure I could raise, a child who I was scared to death to be around due to never being a father. He knew that he didn't have to call me dad and that it was ok for him to call me by my name and he chose to call me "dad", it hurts knowing that I may never see him again. I taught him how to ride a bike, I watched cartoons with him, I took him to movies and bought him popcorn, I was there for his very first day of kindergarten, I even was there when he lost his first tooth. I was around more than his biological father ever was, that guy doesn't know his favorite cartoons, his favorite food, the type of clothes he likes to wear. I've lost so much more than my wife in these last 2 months, I know that for some reason god didn't allow me to produce a child of my own blood with her, but it still doesn't take away the pain. I wonder how long that I will have to wait to ever have someone call me "dad" again, I know that I wasn't a perfect father but for all of a sudden being thrown into fatherhood at 21 years of age I believe that I did a good job of raising a kid considering I was a kid myself. I definitely know that raising a kid is hard but all the hardships seem to go away whenever that kid tell's you "I love you dad". Damn Life is so fucking hard, and it pisses me off that whenever she left me and snuck back into our home that she only took her shit, she only took her clothes and a tv that we had gotten my son for christmas. I know I was thrown into fatherhood unexpectedly but I would assume that if a woman is gonna leave then she should also take her kids clothing and toys to make him comfortable wherever they may go, but no! She left all his clothes behind and all of his toys, what kind of mother does that? Like a bitch in heat all she was worried about was her happiness, I bet she hasn't stopped to think what all of this is doing to him. I'm mad that this little punk she's with now is a damn pothead, thinks he's the next eminem, idolizes drug users and knows nothing about fatherhood, she really picked a winner. I hate that the son I raised will be around this kid. Breaks my heart that he will no longer be in my life and I know she won't let me see him after the divorce is final.
Replies
Rudy, was glad to see your mood up from horrible to just bad, and that your recovering well from surgery - good steps. Sorry to hear this about your son (and it sounds from your description that he really was your son in the truest sense). Couple things: Is it possible that you can prove that his mother is putting her son in an unsafe atmosphere. I\'m no lawyer, but I wonder if you might not have a case for custody if she is putting the boy in a drug environment. Second, I was surprised to see that your goal is to get your wife back. Not for me to say, but after everything she\'s done - why? For your son - to be with him? That I can understand, but not for any relationship you might have with this woman. You do deserve better.
Hey Kevin glad to hear from you. I\'m sure glad my surgery went well, I was a complete mess the day of. As far as my son goes, I really do feel like his actual dad, he\'s been around me more than the other guy and I\'ve done more for him out of love. It is possible for me to tell the correct authorities my concerns over the type of atmosphere he will be put in but right now my attorney advises me not to do anything until the divorce is final because the court may see that as form of retaliation, and also I believe that she is also using drugs but I have to wait for it all to be over for me to act on anything. From the very beginning my concern was my son, I just want what\'s best for him. I have no legal say so with him because I never adopted him due to his biological dad never giving up his parental rights. If anything I would rather have his grandmother get custody than him be around that environment. The goal that you saw was the one I set up when I joined and just hadn\'t changed it as the situation changed but you will clearly see now that I have updated it. I know me and her will never work again, she\'s like a poison with no antidote.