2 am........and awake

trying to remember yesterday, it's gone, got nothin'
gonna go watch some netflix reruns in a bit, for whatever reason old tv shows are soothing.  i can listen with my eyelids down and hopefully drift back to sleep.
i don't know if i shared this with ya'll, but i bought this GIANT PINK ERASER.  it makes me smile every time i look at it.......it says "For BIG Mistakes." 
it cost me a buck, works as a paper weight and it serves as a reminder:
we've gotta keep perspective when it comes to mistakes.  what is a mistake really?  it's just a try......a try doesn't mark our path with permanence.  it's just a try...........and it's what we do after that that matters.  that we try again, that we try another way, that we just keep trying.
my Dad used to say, "don't cry over spilled milk."  he didn't yell or scream or tell us we were no good......he helped up react......."let's clean it up, get another glass, it's not the end of the world. it's a glass of milk." dad grew up in a family with nine other siblings and milk spilling wasn't even close to a mistake, to a failure in this big amazing world. 
it makes me think of babies in their padded diapers.  ever watch them?  they are attempting their first steps, they pull themselves up and then down they go.  they land on that heavy padding and seem slightly mystified, but only for a moment.........almost always they.........SMILE........smile, and try again.
they don't have some adult voice in their head telling them not to try.  that it will never work, that it's useless to try.......that others have tried and failed. they don't have all that useless adult noise in their heads.  they just try.........because life is all about a try...........mistakes aren't permanent black markers, they are learning experiences.  so try, try again and keep learning.  i don't know a whole lot, but i'm taking my cue from babies...........I'm gonna continue to try.
watching those first steps.........after that first wobbly step or two, with a face all lit up from within, flushed with triumph a face that says, "EUREKA, i did it!" that's what i'm striving for.  we're led to try, so let's make the most of it.................
think about that when your head tells you that you have to clean the whole house for example, then stop that kind of thinking.  pick a simple chore, do that one thing, gold star/high five yourself, celebrate, rest, and then when you can do a 2nd thing. 
pace yourself, go slow, be proud of each and every step you take.  change the way you think and it can change your life.  be proud, be excited, rediscover the amazing reality that you can do all that you can do........nothing should be taken for granted.  nothing.  everything is amazing.  it hits me that it is amazing that i can walk, that i can move, that i can do so many things still with the injuries, illnesses and conditions that i have.  i have a choice, to be happy about what i can do or to live in misery over what i can no longer do...............................a choice.  choices are incredible.  options are grand.
self-entitlement is sooooooooo over...........we see it all around us. we note the impact.  what others have, where they go, how they live, what they say...........we feel it, see it, know it..........but do we have to let it steal our personal joy?  steal our peace and happiness?  my family was never rich, not even close.......when we were out of cereal, we ate crackers with sugar & milk.......we thought it was big fun, we didn't know how POOR we were.......lol.  keep your sense of humor, retain your happy, don't let some crazy over the top we deserve it all, whatever that is supposed to be..........wreck your day or your life.
so now it's raid the frig or just go back to bed..........hmmmmmm.  flip a coin little bird and try to get some more sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.  more cool water, ahhhhhh, that's the ticket. nitie nite!