2/25/19
Dear Journal,
The past week hasn't been the best. Pulling everyday and when I start it is very hard to stop. Trying to find ways to stop. Even made a small little Mental Health Crisis Kit/ Trich Kit that I now carry around all the time. I have been getting super upset that I can't stop and it's hard to avoid pulling. Today is my first day back to school after being off all last week. Hopefully being in school might help reduce the pulling.
Sincerely,
Ari
Replies
When I am working to change my compulsive habits, it helps me to be more tolerant and gentle with myself and the habit, as well. Old habits die hard. Old compulsions die harder. Scratching my epidermis is one of my own meanest compulsions. I can scrape huge holes in my skin before I even know I am doing so. When I first started trying to stop, I often didn't remember scratching and wondered where the devil that injury came from. *Just* catching myself in the act was a pretty good accomplishment, in itself. Congratulating myself for the growth in awareness made it far easier to keep going than getting super upset because I'm not perfect yet. I sure do beat myself up hard for that lack of perfection. Nobody is as hard on me as I am on myself.
Be gentle with yourself and patient with the process, Ari.