2/2/2014
Cried myself to sleep last night. First time in a very long time. I sit in the bathtub and just weep as if all this crap happened today instead of 2 years ago. Crying even now.
Did not have my counseling session last week because of the weather. Thought I was close to being able to stop counseling, but evidently not.Chugging down the sodas like they were going out of style. Only reason I even went out at all this weekend was I had to go to Alexandria and deposit a check.
A couple weeks ago I was transferred to a different department at work. Instead of working in the office where all my friends are. The ones who have helped me through everything of the last 3 years (moms death, dad's dementia, dads death, divorce etc) I now work in the warehouse with a bunch of men. They are great. No problems. But they are not my support group and I feel like I had my legs knocked out from under me.
Tired. So very tired of all this. Saw him in the store Friday. He didn't see me. That's the 3rd time in a couple of months I've seen him out and about. She has not been with him and he has not seen me, but...He had on a blue shirt that really really looked good on him. Wanted to tell him that, but having no contact.
Have texted a couple of times when necessary. Stuff about bankruptcy and taxes. He told me the oldest dog has gone blind in one eye, but that he is doing fine.
Dumped my cable tv crap. Was paying $200/month for cable, internet, phone. Most of it on the cable. I can afford it, but I just dont use it enough to justify that cost. Spend most my time reading or on the internet anyway.
Went shopping a little when I went to Alexandria. I love to shop and always buy lots of cute tops (you should see my closets, hahah) but now that I'm in the warehouse it cramps my style. Just a different atmosphere. Keep thinking I dont want to fool with losing weight, though I need to. My health is good. I'd have to buy all new clothes (seriously, you should SEE my closets!). Then i see myself in a mirror and I go OMG! Who is that fat, ugly, old woman! No wonder....
Ah well, focused on saving money etc for my brother's wedding in May. Thinking I might move in to a smaller place this summer. Once college is out, there will be more places to choose from. My apt is just way too big for me. Then I think of all the cleaning, packing, etc and decide well, maybe i wont move. I dont know.
Did not have my counseling session last week because of the weather. Thought I was close to being able to stop counseling, but evidently not.Chugging down the sodas like they were going out of style. Only reason I even went out at all this weekend was I had to go to Alexandria and deposit a check.
A couple weeks ago I was transferred to a different department at work. Instead of working in the office where all my friends are. The ones who have helped me through everything of the last 3 years (moms death, dad's dementia, dads death, divorce etc) I now work in the warehouse with a bunch of men. They are great. No problems. But they are not my support group and I feel like I had my legs knocked out from under me.
Tired. So very tired of all this. Saw him in the store Friday. He didn't see me. That's the 3rd time in a couple of months I've seen him out and about. She has not been with him and he has not seen me, but...He had on a blue shirt that really really looked good on him. Wanted to tell him that, but having no contact.
Have texted a couple of times when necessary. Stuff about bankruptcy and taxes. He told me the oldest dog has gone blind in one eye, but that he is doing fine.
Dumped my cable tv crap. Was paying $200/month for cable, internet, phone. Most of it on the cable. I can afford it, but I just dont use it enough to justify that cost. Spend most my time reading or on the internet anyway.
Went shopping a little when I went to Alexandria. I love to shop and always buy lots of cute tops (you should see my closets, hahah) but now that I'm in the warehouse it cramps my style. Just a different atmosphere. Keep thinking I dont want to fool with losing weight, though I need to. My health is good. I'd have to buy all new clothes (seriously, you should SEE my closets!). Then i see myself in a mirror and I go OMG! Who is that fat, ugly, old woman! No wonder....
Ah well, focused on saving money etc for my brother's wedding in May. Thinking I might move in to a smaller place this summer. Once college is out, there will be more places to choose from. My apt is just way too big for me. Then I think of all the cleaning, packing, etc and decide well, maybe i wont move. I dont know.
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