2/17/14
Went to SS Friday and got my name back. It was a spur of the moment thing. No tears and no sadness. Of course today I'm hurting. His truck is on campus. I'm fighting the urge to text him that I miss him....I wont give in to it...but..it's a bit painful. Still little by little. It hurts to have things come up and I want to tell him about them The thing about the curling in the Olympics, the talk I had with my sister. Things I know he would get....but I cannot of course. It hurts to not even be a speck of dirt in his life anymore. I don't know if its worse to know or to not know what's going on with him. It hurts to know when he gets off today and goes home it will be to someone else. That he will smile at her and I never enter his mind...It hurts. Not as much as it did...but it still hurts.
Replies
Honey, so what that he smiles. He has to. He cheat on you with her, what makes you think that he can be honest with her. No Contact is something that we all agree on. It will be easier on you. Do you really think that they are truly happy with each other. How can they be, when they will always have that niggling doubt. What are they doing, and why are they late? All those questions and doubts always on their mind. So hold that head up high and smile. You have everything they have nothing. hugs
I know..thanks. I always seem to have a downswing after I\'ve had a high. I\'ve come to expect them. But even the downswings are not as bad as they used to be. Getting there little by little. Finally going to SS on Friday and changing my name back was huge and it was the last bridge I needed to cross...so that\'s good.
BTW...how long till I stop missing him and stop loving him? sigh.... Getting back on my meds has made a huge difference...
Each person gets past this on their own time frame. You\'ve taken back your maiden name and that\'s a great start. You are on the divorce roller coaster and one day soon you will stay at the top of that roller coaster and he will be history.
Thanks Trisha