1st week of the new

Friday my H and i got into a fight. I was out with my friend, too drunk to drive home so i spent the night at his house, he is gay by the way, and i somehow on a drunk stuper got in touch with my husband at 3am and told him i was too far and too drunk to drive. He told me if i stayed there i was no longer welcome at the apartment. That my only place to stay was either at the apartment or my moms...This is true IF we had a functional relationship but we dont.. He said that he was hungry and that i was suppose to be there at the apartment to have food ready for him..I would agree but then our relationship was already not fuctional. Nov will be a year from the day he told me "our marriage is over, i dont want to spend the rest of my life with you" Ever since that day he will remind me monthly that i am welcome to stay with him but eventualy i would have to leave. That our marriage is over and we have no future but that he was being nice in letting me live with him. He would always tell me "you can do whatever you want, you dont have to tell me anything its your life" As i did, i left the country for 10 days and he said "that is fine you can do whatever". I guess he didnt mind me staying because i would still do the "wife" duties (cook and clean). Two weeks prior the the drunken fight i had already been feeling that it was time, i needed to end our faux marriage and i needed to leave. He was expecting so much from me but not wanting to do the same for me. So we talked about divorce, I told him how at the end of the semister (Dec) i was going to leave. Well, after friday it was just that we could no longer live as being married, which confused me because from what i understood we both knew it was going to end. Well Saturday I made it very messy to the apartment. I had the WORST drive home. My friend took me to get my car, the battery was dead... My cel phone was dead and i was disgustingly hung over... I managed to get wi-fi on my itouch and text him to come back.. I jump started my car (and i really did, him and his bf just watched me because they dont know how to do that lol) and drove home..I took the WRONG way home because i had no idea where i was at.. On making the turn around i started feeling sick because of all the water i drank... I tried to pull over and didnt make it, i threw up water all over myself IN my car.... my blouse was wet, my jeans were soaked.. i got out of the car off the the highway threw up more and was crying and screaming like a crazy lady because of my huge mistake of getting dumb drunk the night before. I made it home, showered and hung around.. i knew i needed to leave I pushed it, i ended our marriage the wrong way. He came home, he didnt wnat to talk to me he was angry. But he said i could live there, i just needed to tell him so he could sleep on the sofa but that it would be best if i started staying at my mothers more often. We both talked civil and realistic about the marriage...I have been staying with my parents since Saturday, i havent seen him, we talked few times on the phone though... Well, I feel in my heart it is for the best. Naturaly i miss him, however i dont miss being alone, dont miss the insults. He isnt all bad he is a good hearted man and i know he doesnt deserve me as much as i dont deserve him... So its for the best. I guess this incident was good in two ways. 1. What needed to happen happened. I think it would have been even harder to leave later and i still would have been in the apartment leading that fake married life. 2. It has taught me that over boozing, over drinking is bad...It causes problems, makes you feel horrible and leaves you with guilt. So roller coaster it is the good thing its more of a hi than low.. I do miss him but i know too its for the best, we were making each other so unhappy.