1st birthday

So today is supposed to be a very special day. Last year on his birthday I was sitting next to him whilst he was given chemo. But at least I still had him. Today is different story all together. How I wish he would still be here to celebrate, but life had other plans. 8 months on I am still in a haze. I miss him terribly. I just want to stay in bed and not see or speak to anyone.