Well its Thursday and I am sitting in my recliner,looking out at the dreary day of rain wind and cold. I have had my up and downs this week as we all have. From feeling sick to feeling sad, wondering if I will ever fill joy again. Thinking of my daughter Denise,my angel. I have suffered so much since that day on Jan. 9 ,2005. That horrible phone call. But I think she has not suffered,she is at peace and some day I will join her and have some peace to. People always say it is worse on the people left behind ,last night that hit me, yes that is true. I guess right now I would just like to have my health back because I know I can not have her back. I wish i could let go and let God,I am having a hard time with that because i think I am afraid of it meaning I am letting her go ,I pretended this morning that I was holding her and hugging her and could almost feel her. How do we go on, with the grace of God that is how. I will never have my life back as it was but I have to learn to live with what is left. The grieve has made me so sick and I have to get better. I see every one moving forward and I am standing still. I started counseling again I hope it helps because this is not living it is slowly dieing. And one of the last thing my daughter sad to me was ,I want you to be happy ,you have helped every one else now its your turn,she was so insight full, and now for once I want to follow her advise, and make the best of what i have left. And every one here who has helped me I thank you,for love will carry us through we must love and be loved.