another day

Well its Thursday and I am sitting in my recliner,looking out at the dreary day of rain wind and cold. I have had my up and downs this week as we all have. From feeling sick to feeling sad, wondering if I will ever fill joy again. Thinking of my daughter Denise,my angel. I have suffered  so much since that day on Jan. 9 ,2005. That horrible phone call. But I think she has not suffered,she is at peace and some day I will join her and have some peace to. People always say it is worse on the people left behind ,last night that hit me, yes that is true. I guess right now I would just like to have my health back because I know I can not have her back. I wish i could let go and let God,I am having a hard time with that because i think I am afraid of it meaning I am letting her go ,I pretended this morning that I was holding her and hugging her and could almost feel her.  How do we go on, with the grace of God that is how. I will never have my life back as it was but I have to learn to live with what is left. The grieve has made me so sick and I have to get better. I see every one moving forward and I am standing still. I started counseling again I hope it helps because this is not living it is slowly dieing. And one of the last thing my daughter sad to me was ,I want you to be happy ,you have helped every one else now its your turn,she was so insight full, and now for once I want to follow her advise, and make the best of what i have left. And every one here who has helped me I thank you,for love will carry us through we must love and be loved.

Replies

CorriesMom
CorriesMom

Your daughter is right ~ you are worthy and deserving of feeling loved and tenderly cared for, happy and fulfilled. That is part of her legacy to you, a legacy to cherish and lean on.

I do hope the counseling will help you past this temporary hurdle on your path to some sense of comfort and finding new ways to enjoy your life.

Sending much love and great big hugs of comfort ~ Debbie
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

p.s. Fall is a difficult time of year for me ~ I find the shortening days and the dreary rainy days very hard. Maybe you can find a funny book or amusing movie to watch on TV to lift you away from the dreariness outside.

xoxo Debbie
JerryJsMom
JerryJsMom

I could have written the above. From the life changes to feeling like I\'m standing still to not being sure how to take the \"let go\" phrase. So much pain and uncertainty. The ups and downs of it all can drive a person nuts. But, we hang on and get up every morning for some reason. I\'m here if you want to talk. *Hug* ~ Adrianne
deleted_user
deleted_user

shirley your daughter loved you you must take that love and for her sake try to move forward without guilt but be proud of having such a wonderful girl who would want you to heal the best you can its so hard but she realy is at peace now you must find yours until you meet again i am here for you i put my arms around you to give you strength and love your friend susan
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Shirley, I just read your journal, and it breaks my heart u are in such pain. I am feeling quite sad like the rest of us on this group, but I will say that in my heart I know my son would want me to carry on the best that I could, and your daughter would want u too, for sure. You will never let her go and she will always be in your heart..... I said to my son, Jutt, that I know he is with me each and every day, and that is how I get thru it. May u find peace in knowing that for yourself.. Sending love ur way!!
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Dearest Shirley, I know that when I\'m ill and or tired that my grief is compounded. For those of our moms who suffer from chronic illness my heart aches because I know it makes this path that much harder to bear.

I am affected too by the weather and Debbie\'s ideas work for me on those dreary days. I often light candles too and put on some music that is comforting. Each of us has to find what brings a pocket of peace.

I hope that the counseling helps and I\'m so very sorry for your sorrow.

Love and hugs, Joanie
lovingautumn
lovingautumn

Your words are the same as mine. I lost my mother June 7,2010. Just weeks shy of her 62nd bday. She had Leukemia and died after her second bone marrow transplant. Watching my beautiful mother deteriorate away was the hardest thing I\'ve ever had to do...I can barely look at her pictures w/o feeling like my heart is going to beat out of my chest and shatter. She was a part of my every day. My life will never be the same. I can\'t imagine losing a child. I have four sons. My heart goes out to you...I wish you peace. I know your pain and we have to tell ourselves not to let the rest of the world get by w/o us noticing...we still have others who love us around. \"I feel the world keep moving as I stumble. They seem to move much faster than me.\"
PLA58
PLA58

I will pray that you will find a smoother road to travel. I know this journey is hard and lasts forever, but we must take care of ourselves. Rest easy and take care.. Hugs Penny
deleted_user
deleted_user

Dear Shirley; I want to thank you so much for excepting me as a friend :) And just want you to know I will always be here if you need me, also reading the comments the friends have written is so loving and all are so concerned about you *You have been through some very trying times and they can be truly exhausting and give no real meaning to our lives.. I think you have made a good choice in seeking counsel * Are you n Medication? Sometimes they can have good effects on our Emotional needs.. I know you are a spiritual person ^ So I would like for you t read the book of JOHN in your Bible this will help you spiritually and help you find some peace with the Loss of your Daughter; \" Who better knows us then our loving creator.\" Shirley , It is a pleasure to have your friendship and I pray ^ we can help each other. My mother use to always tell me * There is a Rainbow after a storm * A BIG HUG
ter1
ter1

You are totally right, We need to go on, as hard as it is. I hope your new therapists is good and understanding. We can\'t go back to the life we had so we have to make a new life. Doing that at our age isn\'t easy at all. I\'ve started going to a self help group now, and that has helped me some, it takes me over an hour to get there, but I need something in my life to help me get through this. I hope your Thereapist truly helps. This site has been a life saver for me. Terry