dreams

Sitting here reading others entries and thinking thinking, I to have dreams of my beautiful daughter, Thank you God for them, I get to hold her see her ,rub her back ,she loved that it seems so real. when I wake up there is mixed emotions I feel good and bad. They do not come as often and her face is fading,I used to just think of her and she would be there . Now its hard ,its fuzzy. I miss her so ,I know she gone I face all that, it is part of what we go through , I am guilty a lot ,I feel I should of saved her, but I realize no matter how much we did there would always would be some thing else we could of done. When our children were here I really did not know how deep my love was for her,deeper then the depth of the sea.,   I truly want to say That I am sorry I do not keep up with every one passing day or birthday,I some time live like this has not happened and it gets me through ,O then I am hit with the truth it it throws me for a loop. It is a merry go round in my life. But we have to do what we have to do to get by. With my health conditions stress makes me very sick. Life moves on with or with out us and I am moving one step at a time ,some times its one step back and then one step forward. But the lord is taking those steps with me no matter which way I am going.