Lost
Dear Fred:
I am not sure what is going on inside of me. For a while it felt like I could force myself to keep on going. It felt good to be searching for a local support group, a counselor, volunteer work and home projects. I have now seen a grief counselor and I have attended a local support group. I have been only once to each so it is still early days. However, the past week or so I feel like I am just wandering around in a huge fog. It feels like even if I could see a landscape there isn't really anything there. I hope that by keeping on seeing the counselor, the on line group here, the local support group & reading that at some point things will start to make sense again.
I can think of good things to do to feel better about myself. However, that is about as far as it all goes. I think about things but never accomplish what I think about. Maybe at 6 months it is still too soon. I don't know. All I do know is that I am now feeling more lost and without purpose.
I know there are so many things that I truly am grateful for. I do have good friends. I have wonderful neighbors. I am not currently in financial distress thanks to Nick's financial planning. I have a sister I see once a week. I also share the house with 5 cats who usually keep me fairly good company. I also know I am certainly not alone is having my spouse taken from my life. I just seem to have lost direction and purpose. I hope that I regain direction, purpose and some strength to get things done that need to be completed.
Nick would tease me when I was unable to correctly read maps to him while we were on trip. He would tell me I was worse than a blindfolded armadillo without a compass. Well, that just about describes it perfectly..... how I am feeling and behaving at the moment.
On that note, I think this blindfolded armadillo will try to find the stair to the bedroom and get some sleep. Maybe with some rest tomorrow wil have a better sense of direction.
Good night, Fred. Thanks for letting me vent.
Darlene 11/5/2011
I am not sure what is going on inside of me. For a while it felt like I could force myself to keep on going. It felt good to be searching for a local support group, a counselor, volunteer work and home projects. I have now seen a grief counselor and I have attended a local support group. I have been only once to each so it is still early days. However, the past week or so I feel like I am just wandering around in a huge fog. It feels like even if I could see a landscape there isn't really anything there. I hope that by keeping on seeing the counselor, the on line group here, the local support group & reading that at some point things will start to make sense again.
I can think of good things to do to feel better about myself. However, that is about as far as it all goes. I think about things but never accomplish what I think about. Maybe at 6 months it is still too soon. I don't know. All I do know is that I am now feeling more lost and without purpose.
I know there are so many things that I truly am grateful for. I do have good friends. I have wonderful neighbors. I am not currently in financial distress thanks to Nick's financial planning. I have a sister I see once a week. I also share the house with 5 cats who usually keep me fairly good company. I also know I am certainly not alone is having my spouse taken from my life. I just seem to have lost direction and purpose. I hope that I regain direction, purpose and some strength to get things done that need to be completed.
Nick would tease me when I was unable to correctly read maps to him while we were on trip. He would tell me I was worse than a blindfolded armadillo without a compass. Well, that just about describes it perfectly..... how I am feeling and behaving at the moment.
On that note, I think this blindfolded armadillo will try to find the stair to the bedroom and get some sleep. Maybe with some rest tomorrow wil have a better sense of direction.
Good night, Fred. Thanks for letting me vent.
Darlene 11/5/2011
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