Lost
Dear Fred:
I am not sure what is going on inside of me. For a while it felt like I could force myself to keep on going. It felt good to be searching for a local support group, a counselor, volunteer work and home projects. I have now seen a grief counselor and I have attended a local support group. I have been only once to each so it is still early days. However, the past week or so I feel like I am just wandering around in a huge fog. It feels like even if I could see a landscape there isn't really anything there. I hope that by keeping on seeing the counselor, the on line group here, the local support group & reading that at some point things will start to make sense again.
I can think of good things to do to feel better about myself. However, that is about as far as it all goes. I think about things but never accomplish what I think about. Maybe at 6 months it is still too soon. I don't know. All I do know is that I am now feeling more lost and without purpose.
I know there are so many things that I truly am grateful for. I do have good friends. I have wonderful neighbors. I am not currently in financial distress thanks to Nick's financial planning. I have a sister I see once a week. I also share the house with 5 cats who usually keep me fairly good company. I also know I am certainly not alone is having my spouse taken from my life. I just seem to have lost direction and purpose. I hope that I regain direction, purpose and some strength to get things done that need to be completed.
Nick would tease me when I was unable to correctly read maps to him while we were on trip. He would tell me I was worse than a blindfolded armadillo without a compass. Well, that just about describes it perfectly..... how I am feeling and behaving at the moment.
On that note, I think this blindfolded armadillo will try to find the stair to the bedroom and get some sleep. Maybe with some rest tomorrow wil have a better sense of direction.
Good night, Fred. Thanks for letting me vent.
Darlene 11/5/2011
I am not sure what is going on inside of me. For a while it felt like I could force myself to keep on going. It felt good to be searching for a local support group, a counselor, volunteer work and home projects. I have now seen a grief counselor and I have attended a local support group. I have been only once to each so it is still early days. However, the past week or so I feel like I am just wandering around in a huge fog. It feels like even if I could see a landscape there isn't really anything there. I hope that by keeping on seeing the counselor, the on line group here, the local support group & reading that at some point things will start to make sense again.
I can think of good things to do to feel better about myself. However, that is about as far as it all goes. I think about things but never accomplish what I think about. Maybe at 6 months it is still too soon. I don't know. All I do know is that I am now feeling more lost and without purpose.
I know there are so many things that I truly am grateful for. I do have good friends. I have wonderful neighbors. I am not currently in financial distress thanks to Nick's financial planning. I have a sister I see once a week. I also share the house with 5 cats who usually keep me fairly good company. I also know I am certainly not alone is having my spouse taken from my life. I just seem to have lost direction and purpose. I hope that I regain direction, purpose and some strength to get things done that need to be completed.
Nick would tease me when I was unable to correctly read maps to him while we were on trip. He would tell me I was worse than a blindfolded armadillo without a compass. Well, that just about describes it perfectly..... how I am feeling and behaving at the moment.
On that note, I think this blindfolded armadillo will try to find the stair to the bedroom and get some sleep. Maybe with some rest tomorrow wil have a better sense of direction.
Good night, Fred. Thanks for letting me vent.
Darlene 11/5/2011
Replies
Keep trying. don\'t be so hard on yourself. It is a terrible path.
Love the \'armadillo \" story. That is new to me. Nick must have been a great companion besides the love of your life. Peace Bob
Darlen- You are doing REALLY WELL, and should be proud of yourself. You are engaged in living, and seeing family, and going to groups, and taking care of your cats, and on and on. At 6 months the road is REALLY ROUGH. The realization that they are not coming back keep on hitting you all the time, and it seems these feelings will never end. They DO get better. Six months was a REALLY ROUGH time for me also, and I remember it very well.
You are a STRONG lady, and will keep moving forward. I have all the faith that you will.I love the Blindfolded Armadillo. That is EXACTLY ME too1 Can\'t read a map for anything, and if not for GPS would be able to go NO WHERE! lol
I hope you got some rest, and hope that today is more peace filled. HUGS my friend. Diane