OH, MY!!!
June 16, 2010: Well, Thursday, the 17th, is "the day". Three years! It seems like a minute ago and yet a lifetime!
I know things are getting more and more different each day. They are not better. But, I am blessed with Natalie, (my granddaughter), Chris, Adam, Craig, my mom, and all the wonderful friends I have! When Scott died, I wanted to die, too. In so many ways, I did. But, I continue to take one day and one breath at a time. I have learned each day brings whatever it brings. If I am sad, so be it. If I am pensive, so be it. If it is a dark day, so be it. I don't fight the feelings anymore. I just try to go moment by moment and do the best I can.
I took a nap and had a wonderful dream of Scott when he was young. I did not want to wake up! I wonder, if in the afterlife, our children go back to where ever they were when they were most at peace and the happiest. Actually, all of us.... I do hope that is true that we go back to the place/age when we were the best of ourselves.
I (pat myself on the back) have made plans for tomorrow. A friend of mine is coming over to cry and to laugh, with me, while floating in the pool. She, over twenty years ago, lost a son only twelve hours after birth. I knew her then. I did not understand. But, we have been friends a long time and I know she understands that I did not understand.
Today I have to take Adam for an MRI on his back. He, only 23, has so many back problems. I hope "they" can figure out what is wrong and how to help him.
On Friday my sweet Natalie is coming for a visit! She gives me a joy that is much needed.
So......we will see how my journal goes for tomorrow.... That is one of the worst things, for me, about this journey.....I feel crazy sometimes at the flip-flop of emotions!
I know things are getting more and more different each day. They are not better. But, I am blessed with Natalie, (my granddaughter), Chris, Adam, Craig, my mom, and all the wonderful friends I have! When Scott died, I wanted to die, too. In so many ways, I did. But, I continue to take one day and one breath at a time. I have learned each day brings whatever it brings. If I am sad, so be it. If I am pensive, so be it. If it is a dark day, so be it. I don't fight the feelings anymore. I just try to go moment by moment and do the best I can.
I took a nap and had a wonderful dream of Scott when he was young. I did not want to wake up! I wonder, if in the afterlife, our children go back to where ever they were when they were most at peace and the happiest. Actually, all of us.... I do hope that is true that we go back to the place/age when we were the best of ourselves.
I (pat myself on the back) have made plans for tomorrow. A friend of mine is coming over to cry and to laugh, with me, while floating in the pool. She, over twenty years ago, lost a son only twelve hours after birth. I knew her then. I did not understand. But, we have been friends a long time and I know she understands that I did not understand.
Today I have to take Adam for an MRI on his back. He, only 23, has so many back problems. I hope "they" can figure out what is wrong and how to help him.
On Friday my sweet Natalie is coming for a visit! She gives me a joy that is much needed.
So......we will see how my journal goes for tomorrow.... That is one of the worst things, for me, about this journey.....I feel crazy sometimes at the flip-flop of emotions!
Replies