WHEW!!!

9-26-09:  Wow.....I almost put 2007....seems as I am stuck on that year. Stuck is the right word.  I have much to look forward to and yet I am STUCK!  I just miss Scott so much.  This journey does not, in my world, get easier.  I miss my son more each day!   I did find out that some of Scott's friends put a Facebook page up in his honor.  That is so awesome.  It makes me feel better that  people remember him and love him even after two years.  It just shows what an impact he had.    I have been having a really hard time lately.  I guess it is all the birthdays.  Mine was Sept. 12.  Chris's is today.  Scott's is Oct. 22.  My nephew's was Sept. 20.  Birthdays were/are a big deal at my home!  In fact, we (Chris' girlfriend and I) are having a surprise party for him here tomorrow. (Sun.)  I am excited about that.  Imagne...excitement....I never thought I would feel that agian.  I guess I have come a LONG way!  Anyway, Chris is THIRTY!  Oh my gosh.....I do not feel old enough to have a son that age!  On the other hand...I feel old enough to have a sixty year old.   Work is finally starting to calm down.  I have been making a real effort to get along with the new department head.  I am reminding myself that everyone has their "stuff".  Compared to mine, it is usually not much.  However, it is their stuff and it is big to them.  Compassion....Understanding....Acceptance....I really try to get it.I, after being off my meds, for about a month, am back on.  I am just going to have to find a way to finace this!!!!!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes birthdays are hard. Mine is Wed & Bobby\'s would be Oct 1, my mon\'s was the 13th. So Sept is hard for me too. Glad things are starting calm down at work. Have a great party tomorrow. My granddaughters party is tomorrow too she will be 6 on Monday...Hugs, Connie
biowoman
biowoman

You know...maybe this grief and pain doesn\'t get easier...maybe it just gets different. One mom told me once that she thought we just learned to cope with the loss better. I guess that is it. I am glad that you are excited about Chris\'s party...we deserve other emotions other than sorrow. Let yourself really enjoy yourself today. Love and hugs and Happy Birthday to Chris! Karen
deleted_user
deleted_user

I hope you have a blast today with the party. Happy birthday Chris.
When Mom\'s post a comment on someone\'s journal, they may be sending comfort to that Mom, but what they might not realize, that something they have added, brings comfort to someone else as well. Although there are a lot of sad journals, there are also a lot of comforting ones. Thank you. Barbara
KimRW
KimRW

I think birthdays and all holidays are hard because someone special is missing from the celebration. I too, don\'t think it will get easier...I say it just gets a little softer. Happy Birthday to Chris and I hope you do enjoy the party, Just remember that Scott is always walking beside you. Love, Kim
rcoco
rcoco

I can so relate to your feelings. My sons birthday is Oct. 24, and mine is the 13th. I have thought of little else and feel so very sad. I keep remembering giving birth to Chris, he was the biggest baby in the nursery at 9lbs 5oz and his hair was yellow, like crayon yellow, he was chubby and so beautiful.
Happy birthday to Chris, and I will be thinking of you and Scott on Oct. 22nd.
Thank God we have so many beautiful sisters here on DS.

hope and hugs, rebecca
Robin4
Robin4

It\'s good to hear you are having some excitement again. It does take a long time to really smile and enjoy things. That doesn\'t mean we miss our kids any less but we do still have to live. I\'ve realized too that we all have \"stuff\" and what\'s big to some may not be to us but I\'ve also seen others with much bigger \"stuff\" than mine. I guess the saying is true, if we all put our troubles in a pile, we\'d reach in and grab ours back. Hugs! Love Robin
BinkyH
BinkyH

It seems like a lot of \"dates\" are coming up and I know it is hard. My dad died on 10-22-01 and my son died on 11-22-08. My b/d is 11-09-55. And of course, then the holidays are upon us! Throw in the change of seasons and daylight savings time, which I hate. I think I am in for a crash. I hope you hang in there! I an glad that things are better at work. I am going through a battle at work lately myself and have to work on that. Hugs to you, Belinda
deleted_user
deleted_user

Every birthday every angel day every holiday hold a special kind of pain for us. Even if we still feel some joy with the ones we still have, our pain is always lurking very near. I just try to grab the joy when I can, and try to keep the pain away as long as I can. There is not much else I have figured out to do. I\'d be glad if someone can tell me how. I pray, alot.Love Peggy
deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s hard enough that people do have to work - then have to be in the presence of someone who makes the whole day bad. Tell you what? No matter what job I had - there was always that one person - you know? right? I forget her/his name; but there is always one - do your job - leave & forget about it - it is always their problem not ours. Birthdays and parties, sounds so nice. Completely relate to the part of it being harder - I\'m there with you honey -
I love Shaun more & more each day - and have let the grief get bigger than me; not intentionally it just has. In therapy now, much needed - to see if it will help. God speed, love ya,