I DON'T KNOW!!!!

July 3/4, 2009:  Okay, so many of you read, before, that there was a "girl" saying Adam was/is the father of her baby.  Adam got a letter from Family Services today stating this.  They will pay for the DNA testing.  I am all good with this!  If this is Adam's child, he needs to "man-up" and be there!  If it is my grandbaby, I want to know!  In any case, I want to be a grandma or NOT!  I am tired of this cat./mouse game.  According to ALL doctor reports, Adam cannot have children!  But...things, above our thought or control, do happen.  However, my emotions are mixed.This baby (who is adorable) has nothing do to with anythng.  He is a doll.  If, in fact, he is my grandson, I will open my arms and heart to him.  If he is not, I will, if Mom wants, still enjoy him.  I just don't want to think he his my grandson and then down the road hear, "Oh, by the way...."  And, I sure don't want that for Adam!   None of us can take ANY kind of pain, right now.  This is a very strange road....sounds like "Trash TV!" Today/tomorrow, is a hard day.  Scott loved the 4th of July!  It is right there with Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We always have had a cook-out, watched our local fireworks, and then shot off our own.  My "Biddy Buddies" are coming over.  We will swim, watch the fireworks, and then watch the "kids" do theirs.  I will miss Scott every single moment of the day! I went to the cemetery today.  I put red, white, and blue flowers out.  I kissed his headstone, as usual, and told him to watch for our display.  It all just seems so wrong!  I want him here!  With me! Next week-end one of Scott's friends and his ex-girlfriend are getting married.  I opted out of that.  It is just too strange for me.  Not a bad thing, just strange.  The bad part is, the groom's mom is one of my best friend's. (Donna-Biddy Buddy)  WHEW! Another of Scott's friends is having a baby shower on the 18th.  If I am in town, I will go.  In any case, I did get her a gift. This "girl" is another of Scott's ex's.  OMG!  I am friends wiith her mom, too! My life is just too confusing!!!  On one hand I feel so blessed to have so many of Scott's friends in my life.  On the other......it just messes with me!  I feel like Scott should be here for all this activity! One breath at a time......