I DID IT!

Fri. Eve., 12-26-08:  I survived my second Christmas without Scott!  I made it a point to have a VERY low key day.  For the most part, it was.   Chris came over about Noon.  We had a brunch including "my" coffe cake, bacon, juice, and milk.  That has been a tradition for many years.  Although, it used to be breakfast...now we all sleep later...no little ones to get up with..... After eating, we exchanged gifts.  I felt good about my gift choices. Craig, Chris, and Adam seemed to agree.  There is nothing they are going to return.  That is always a gift, in and of itself.  My "big" present was a very nice digital camera.  It is pretty complicated. (to me anyway)  I have wanted one for quite some time. But, it has been a want, not a need.  So, I am thrilled...at least as thrilled as I get, these days.   Craig also bought me a really nice purse.  It was so thoughtful and so similar to my regular purse I love, which is about worn out.  However, it is just too small so I will have to exchange it.  Yes, I carry a suitcase.  My life is in my purse, so to speak.   Chris gave Craig and I several "Pink Bucks" for a local movie theatre.  It is a very nice gift.  He doesn't have much money this year and "felt bad".  I explained to him that first of all, his presence is gift enough, REALLY, and the certificates are great.  Again, going to a movie is a want, not a need, so we can go without thinking about the money.  It is a great gift! No, we are not broke.  However, like most others, we holding tight to the money we do have.  Everything is so expensive and the economy is so uncertain.  So, although I am naturally frugal, I have become even more thoughtful when it comes to the money I spend and, on what.   My dryer went POOF today!  I washed a load of clothes and put them in the dryer.  I pushed the start button....NOTHING!  Not even a hum...  So, I put the clothes back in the washer and filled it with water so they wouldn't mildew.  Another blessing.....a friend of ours had a dryer his nephew had given him.  He just had it in his garage as an extra in case someone needed one.He gave it to us to use.  I don't know whether it is a forever gift or a for now gift.  I don't care.  I can dry my clothes and I don't have to go out and put one on a credit card.  Hooray for friends!  Even if it is just for a while until we get taxes, etc. behind us, it helps! Okay...as I said at the beginning...our Christmas was good for the most part.   My father-in-law came over for dinner.  He is 87.  He is a pain in the rear, in so many ways.  Always has been.  But, he has been good to us in many, many ways.  And, we have been good to him.  When my mother-in-law passed away in 2006 I made sure he was here for dinner every night.  I checked on him all the time. Etc., etc.  When Scott died in 2007 I just didn't have the energy for him or anything/anyone else.  I quit cooking for a long time.  When I did cook, I invited him.  I still get things for him at the store when he is sick or whenever he asks/needs them. (He still drives)  I still help him.  It is just not like it was.  Anyway, a couple of months ago, Adam got drunk and messed up his Grandpa's truck. He went off in a ditch. I was SO ANGRY!  But, I was also very grateful Adam was okay and nothing worse happened.  Adam knows he has to pay his Grandpa for repairs.  I will make sure he does.  Right now Adam does not have a job.  He is still dealing with the death of Melissa and Scott.  He is only 21 and lost his brother and fiance' in less than a year.  He is going to counseling.  Adam tried to talk to his Grandpa after the accident and he was told to "Go to Hell".  Last night when his Grandpa, my father-in-law, came for dinner, he had a card for Adam that had been delivered to his house.  He had Craig give it to him, he wouldn't even do that.  After dinner he gave me, Craig, and Chris a money envelope with $20 in it, right in front of Adam.  He gave Adam nothing.  I was/am pissed off!  Not because he didn't give Adam money but because he was sooooo mean spirited about the whole thing.  I should've just handed the money back to him.  Instead, I gave it to Adam.  But, that was right after his Grandpa left.  I told Craig I will continue to care for his Dad when needed.  However, I will not have my son's feelings hurt in his own home.  It is rude and just DUMB!  I will not invite him over when Adam is home.  I will not have my son uncomfortable in his home!  Adam has helped his Grandpa in so many ways....working on his farm, taking him to the doctor, running errands, etc.  All because he could and wanted to.  And, now, his Grandpa treats him like this!!!!  Adam did do a really stupid thing.  He does owe his Grandpa the money for repairs.  At least we didn't lose another son/grandson.  Please, anyone reading, let me hear your honest opinion.  I am just so angry right now! Maybe my perception is clouded..... I did get in the hot tub today.  That is the first time this season.  These next several days off are MINE!  I am going to be good to myself.  Of course, there are things I have to do.  But, I am going to mostly focus on what I want to do!