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Monday night, July 21st.  First of all...the dog has GOT TO GO!!!!  I don't know where 'cause the shelters are full and no one seems to want him.  I got home, after being gone 3 days, and he has torn up my mulch, destroyed much of my flower garden, dug numerous DEEP holes in the yard, and I am not even sure what else. The next 4 only added to his mess!  I don't have the time or energy for all that.  If only he was well mannered....He was alone a lot but he was fed, petted, and watered every day I was gone! The trip was ok.  I actually enjoyed a good deal of it.  The 1st three days were spent on Table Rock Lake at a friends lake house.  We spent a lot of time out on the boat and even rode into Arkansas from Missouri.  That took a whole day.  We came home for about 3 hours and then headed to Stockton Lake to camp.  We were there 4 days.  Adam and a friend of his came for 3 of those.  We didn't do much as the lake is still really high and the swimming areas are terrible.  Craig and I went to a flea market one day and just drove around the area.  Adam fished a lot.  He didn't catch much but he needed to get away, too.  I slept quite a bit but was really troubled with nightmares. Next weekend, I think, we are going to a birthday party for my father-in-law, hosted by his brother-in-law.  He will be 86 or 87.  And, one of Scott's friends has invited us to spend another day on his Dad's houseboat. So, we are keeping VERY busy.  I am not sure whether I care for it or not.  I go back to work on Aug. 19th so I really want to just hang out while I can.  The summer is passing so quickly.  June was such a yucky month with all the rain.  Now, just when it is HOT, it is almost time to give it up.  I have not spent nearly the amount of time I like to in my pool.    I am trying to be grateful and happy for the things and opportunities I have.  The truth of the matter is I feel like I am just going through the motions.  I always have this ache for Scott in my stomach.  I still cry a lot.  It can happen anywhere! And losing Melissa is still sinking in.  Financially I am having a really hard time!  It is all too complicated to explain.  Suffice it to say Craig is tighter than the hinges of Hell and I am trying to pay too much with my very meager income.  It is very stressfull!