THANK YOU!

Sunday, July 13:  Thanks to all of you reading and who have read my journal!  You are all my heros.  Answer to a few questions.....Yes, I am depressed.  Yes, I do take an antidepressant.  Yes, I do see a therapist.  My regular doctor says I have pathological grief.  Basically, that means I am stuck and not moving forward the way most people do.  There really isn't much to be done about it except to keep on keeping on. And, keep taking the meds and seeing the counselor.I did get one small bit of peace today.  One of the first EMT's on site the day Scott died was a friend of his.  I know her too.  Anyway, I finally got the courage to ask her about Scott's eyes being open when I found him.  I had this horrible vision of him laying there, wanting to call out, and yet unable to.  She told me the eyes often open after death  just the same as a body moving after death due to a final muscle contraction. It is, according to her, quite common.  So, maybe I can let that horror go, now.   I still don't know about vacation!  Craig did bring the camper over today. (We store it at his Dad's) So, I have washed the sleeping bags, the rugs in the camper, and mopped it.  Tomorrow I will take a wet cloth and wipe things down.  It is really pretty clean but after sitting unused for a couple of years, it just got a bit dusty. (Only bunnies in there)  As for the when & where, I have no clue!  I really like my camper so it was nice just to get in it for a bit. Now, if I only knew when & where we were going! We are supposed to go to Bull Shoals lake tomorrow with some friends and spend a couple of nights.  They have a lake house and a boat.  So, that might be a nice break. We were apparently adopted by a dog yesterday morning.  He appears to be a chocolate lab or at least a strong mix.  He is big and brown.  Very smart. He will sit and stay on command.  He does not jump on me and he leaves the kittens alone. He is probably 6-9 mos. old.  When Craig opened the front door, he was just laying right there.  Now, I am not a big fan of dogs.  I prefer cats.  Oh, we had one dog, Meatball, for 14 years.  I would give the occasional pat on the head.  The thing is, I don't hate dogs and they know it.  So, they all try to suck up to me.  Dogs love me.  Everyone else can be outside and the dogs will follow me.  Good dog karma, I guess.  But, it drives me crazy!  They make so much noise panting, they slobber, they lick, and they smell like dogs!  Maybe if I didn't feed them, play catch with them, and give them the occasional pat they would leave me alone!  Do you think that might help?  Anyway, I guess we will keep him unless we see a dog lost sign or something. That isn't likely, though.  Lots of people dump their animals here.  We live close to a road, on a Farm Rd.  We have had many stray cats and dogs over the years. Many of them have gotten run over, or we gave them away, or they wandered off.  We even had a stray dog once that let the kittens nurse on her.  Crazy!  Adam really loves dogs & it will be good for him.  Craig, too.  Scott and Chris, too.  I am the only non-lover.   But, I can't take him to the Humane Society because they are already overloaded.  And, I can afford to keep him.  So.....  Damned Dogs!