Tuesday:  Mom is ok for the time being.  That is a big relief!  I am so "homesick" for Scott!  Seems like I do okay for a few days and then, BAM, right back down again.  The monument co. called this afternoon and they will be putting Scott's headstone in about 10:45 a.m. tomorrow.  The lady on the phone was very nice and cheerful.  It just made me sad when she told me.  One more dose of reality, as if it isn't real enough.  Craig will be glad, he says.  He just hasn't felt right about a stone not being there.  I am trying to prepare myself for seeing it for the 1st time.  I am so tired of being sad.  I guess I always will be, it seems.  Adam is feeling pretty puny.  I don't know whether it is another bug or allergies. Doesn't matter...he feels rough.  Chris' opening day at the ball field is coming up.  He is as prepared as he can be but also nervous.  I know he will do fine.  I am a little concerned about him and his girlfriend.  She told me on Easter, twice, she is going to move in with him in September.  Chris never said anything, and he usually would, so I asked him.  She was with him so he really couldn't talk, but I am pretty sure it is more her idea and thoughts than his.  They are grown-ups but I still don't want my son to get caught up in something he is not ready for or uncertain about.  She is ok and if that is who he wants to be with, we will love her.  However, she has a lot of baggage and I am just not feeling like she is "the one".  I don't think he feels it either.  He told me he would talk to me about things later.  It is a tough spot because I don't want to interfere but at the same time I want my son to be happy and be with someone because he can't imagine it being any other way. We will see.....  I am lucky we are so close and he will really talk with me.  I have propane again!  Yea!  I was able to have my hot shower Mon. morning and it was here when I got home.  Whew, is it ever expensive!!! Now I know why I put off the call!  Craig found an endorsed check for $3600.00 in a bush at work today.  I tracked down the phone # and am going to send it to the people tomorrow.  They were very grateful, to say the least.  It is pretty weather worn, though, so they may have to have a new one issued. The woman told me who the check was from so I know it belongs to them.  That may be my good deed for the next 3600 days. I just don't have the energy to seek things out.   

Replies

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this sadness does wear one down. thats a fact. huge hugs, be gentle with yourself. i dont think the sadness ever leaves, its always under the surface even as things go on and other people around us go on. huge arms of love around you now.
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Off day for me too. Glad to hear you have the propane and can take a proper shower now - that was a nice thing you did - by finding the people who lost their check and returning it to them. You are good people - and you will be blessed for your kindness. Having just gone through seeing Shauns stone for the first time I can certainly relate to the emotions that will be stirring up for you. Take your time - and please know I\'m here for you at any time - day or night - bless you sweetheart - try to get some rest.
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The sadness does break you down I remember when Justin\'s headstone was put in I knew then it was real.I\'m sure it will be beautiful.Your sounding a bit positive you have a couple good days and the next two days take you to your knees.I do have to say I\'m feeling a bit better I know in my heart Justin is gone.I\'m learning to live with it more.I do miss him dearly and I think of him daily..I\'m glad you got some hot water and I hope for the next 3600 days to be a good deed for you.Your so honest most people would of cashed it.Your wonderful.love,jfm24,Vicki
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I had a really difficult time when I first saw A.J.\'s headstone. Everyone is different we all know that now but please prepare yourself. It certainly brings finality to everything. I\'m sorry you\'re worried about your son and his girlfriend. One more thing we as mothers can ever get away from is the worry. Hang in there and your good deed will be paid forward. Thinking of you. Love Robin
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The stone will be a hard day. I just cried for a long time when I saw John\'s. Glad you have hot water and I wanted to congratulate you on being a honest loving person. Many people would not have returned the check. You have my admiration. Don\'t worry about Chris, he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and can make the right decision. Have a good day. Love and hugs cathy
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I was glad to get Paxton\'s headstone in. I hated seeing things so bare. But I hated the feeling of yes its all true now. This is his home for his angel to visit. His address now. But what a unique headstone we did for him and it turned to be beautiful for him just like he was. So that was another comfort level. Alot of mixed feelings i guess is what i am trying to say here. I\'ll be thinking of you and your family, God Bless you. Much love, Sheri
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Yeah...seeing the marker is tough...I went to the cemetery today...and put flowers out and I cried...so wrong to be putting flowers of your childs cemetery plot. I think it is wonderful that you have such a good relationship with Chris...I am sure he depends on you for honest advice...so be sure to share your concerns. How wonderful that you sought out the owner of that check...very comendable....love ya...Karen
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My Son\'s headstone was put in about a month ago. When I went to see it, I went by myself because I knew it was going to be emotional. I was really out of sorts for a few days. So plan for it. It was a dose of reality. I cried hard and loud. I will be praying for you. Keep writing. Love Joanne