One more day almost over... We had some ice last night and I was fortunate not to have to go to work today. I am becoming very lazy with all this time off. One of my ex-coworkers husband was killed last night. He was a passenger in a car that slid off the road due to ice. He was killed instantly. I called her just to see how she is doing. They had been going through a divorce and their daughter was to be married at his house this coming weekend. Pam is, of course, confused, in shock, and feeling guilt. Her husband was 54. Although they were separated they had been married nearly 30 years and their children have lost their father. I am ashamed of myself. I really feel bad for all of them and yet it still doesn't seem to compare to the death of a child. That is so not fair of me. Apples and oranges. Grief is grief. To compare one grief to another is just stupid! And, he was someone's child, no matter how old. I can't really say any of this to her so I am journaling this hoping that I will always remind myself never to think such selfish things again. To anyone reading this, I hope you don't think less of me. I am so disappointed in myself! Anyway, I had little to offer except my ear and friendship. I told her when everyone leaves and the initial craziness is over, to call me and we can cry together. Other than that, my day has been uneventful. I am just lost. I wander from room to room wondering what I should do and wind up doing nothing. I am so damned depressed! I think I am looking forward to seeing a counselor next week. I know it will be hard but maybe I can figure out how to keep going. I feel stuck. It seems like I should be doing something and I am not. Just going through the motions. That seems pretty pointless to me. Maybe this is just the next part of my journey.
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dont be so hard on yourself. i have had 2 husbands cross over and its nothing compared to a child, i can attest to that as someone who has experienced it firsthand. huge hugs.
You are only human and to feel like losing a child is harder than someone losing a spouse is OK. That person may feel that losing a spouse is harder. Loss is great no matter what form. I\'m sorry for your ex co-worker. Maybe now is a good opportunity for you to be able to help her in some way. Thinking of you. Love Robin
I am sorry about your co-worker. I am sure their grief difficult & I feel for them. I do agree with you. There is no greater pain then lossing a child. Part of us was taken away.
Life is so uncertain. Take care of yourself. HUGS
Ginger, I don\'t think it is an issue of a child vs a spouse. I think it is more that it is YOUR child and someone else\'s spouse. Even if your co-worker lost a child, you may relate more, but the pain you are dealing with is all consuming. It breaks my heart to read about other\'s loss on this forum, to the point that sometimes I have to stay away for a few days. But I come back for the support, understanding and love I receive. I think each of us care dearly about others loss, but we are dealing with our own, that seems to over-shadow anything else. That\'s why this forum is so special. The members understand what the others are going though, and are able, as they can, to reach out to comfort others while continuing to hurt so deep. No one\'s loss is more or less than another. It is just that it is OUR loss. You have been a wonderful support to me, even as you grieve.
Please don\'t be hard on yourself. It is true, there is no loss worse than losing a child. To the few of my patients spouses and children I have told of losing my son, they have said their impending loss is difficult but they couldn\'t imagine losing a child. Any loss is painful and I\'m sure your coworker is grateful for your offer of support and what a wonderful support you will be for her. I hope and pray the depression you are feeling lifts a little. *Hug* Adrianne
You need to be gentle with yourself. I lost my father and now my daughter and I can tell you lossing my daughter was much more painful. And I was Daddy\'s little girl. Don\'t get me wrong I loved my father, but we as parents should never have to bury our children. Oh my Dad was 57 when he died. Hope this helps, you don\'t have to justify your feelings to anyone, and you shouldn\'t feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Your right grief is grief, but the difference is we own it. Your grief is different than your friends grief, being that the person lost means different to each person, this is how we own our grief. The pain of the loss is still the same to that person, and that is how grief is shared by many. The pain is the same. Take care, Love and Hugs.
Ginger I think I heard about that accident so sorry.You are right tho losing a child is so much different.We all grieve differently but we all feel the same.Did that make any since?I too walk around here too but I\'m a bit of a cleaner so that keeps me busy for awhile.I\'m so glad your going to a counslor go a few times and you can pretty will see if he can really help you.I was going to a counselor before Justin died I have alot of mental issues.I\'m bipolar,have social anexity disorder,depression and things that has happen through my life what a plateful I have.But Jane my counselor has helped me alot I have to take alot of medicine to balance out my brain.So anyway I\'m a mess.I wouldn\'t be here if it wasn\'t for the mediction.What a life.I don\'t think any less of you.You are strong look how far we have come Justin has been gone 10 months yesterday
haven\'t seen or talked to him.I truely miss that as you do too.Call me anytime our phone # is in the phone book Mike Mcconnell well better go school is about over,Take Care it takes time and I\'m sure it is going to be differant for the rest of our lives.hang in there.jfm24,Vicki
How can we think less of you....we all know that the loss of a child is the greatest loss...ever. But you are also correct in knowing their grief is so very real and very painful for them...they just have no idea how deep grief can go...and hopefully they will never know...you are a good friend supporting her and her family as you are. :) Karen
I agree with all that has been said. None of us would dream of judging you for feelings most of us have had at one time or another. Everyone must grieve their own loss.here is no making it easier. We can only be there to listen as others grieve. That\'s what this site is all about.
I\'m sorry for her loss ,But I agree with all that was said.When my son died I was lost and at times I\'m still lost. so dont be hard on yourself we all grive in a different way. lol
I\'m so sorry for her loss. You did a good thing by telling her you\'d be there when the others had left and we know well, they do. I think we each feel our grief is the worst there is, it\'s human nature. Be kind to yourself, we are no different, better or worse. Hoping the therapist helps, you and me. Love and hugs Cathy