This weekend has been harsh!  Craig doesn't seem to get it that I don't care about planning a vacation, our future, & whatever else we are "supposed" to do.  I try to explain to him that somedays all I can do is figure out how to get out bed and put one foot in front of the other.  I told him he is not a mom.  He did not know Scott before anyone else ever laid eyes on him.  He is not the one dealing with the ins. co., social security, and reading over and over the medical records.  It is me.   It continues to be like picking at an open wound. He did not find Scott although he was there seconds after I did.  Craig has always been about the money.  On one hand that is a good trait.  On the other he can be obsessive.  If I had known, I wouldn't have married him.  On all other counts he is a good man.  I have never been so money oriented.  I am fine if I can pay my bills, eat, and occasionally go out.  Maybe it is because I grew up never having to worry about anything like that or doing without.  His family was a farm family and did struggle some.  Although, he always lived in a decent home and had food on the table and clothes on his back.I mean, money is nice.  I like it as well as anyone else.  I don't have much at the moment and it is a little tough.  But, I still eat, pay my bills, and have a roof over my head.  I am probably even more relaxed about money issues now.  When we buried Scott it was with his camo coat he loved and a ziplock bag of a few of his favorite treasures.  What is the point of going nuts over money if when you leave, if you are lucky, you go with a ziplock bag of treasures?  And, although we don't have much cash, we have many assets so Chris & Adam will be just fine when Craig and I die.  The fact is I really can't worry right now how who and how I am affects him.  I am just trying to figure out how to make it through the  day (or the minute).  No wonder so many people get divorced after the death of a child.  I did rearrange Scott's room tonight.  He had made a corner shelf in high school.  I put that in a corner in his room with many of his things on it.  Not really a shrine, but his little corner of the room. It has his diploma, his work hat, a lighter, crystal rocks he found, (he ALWAYS collected rocks), things like that.  It was so hard to put things from on his dresser into a drawer.  I cried quite a bit off/on tonight.  I can't get rid of anything yet but at least now when I open the door I do not see the room the way it was when I found him.  The way it was before was when you opened the door his bed was right there.  Everytime I opened the door, I saw him there.  I am having a hard enough time with that image anyway.  Now when you open the door, you see a bookshelf and his little corner.  I don't know that it really helps 'cause I still shut the door when I was finished for the night.  No matter what I do it will always be Scott's room and I will always remember finding him dead there. But at least that won't be the "right in my face" view.  On a better note, Chris made it to Vegas just fine.  He will be back next Thurs.  We are supposed to be having a rain/snow mix that day so I hope it doesn't get too bad.  I work 5 days next week...the 1st time since before Christmas.  I was such a slug on my break it has been hard to get back into the routine.  At least I have one more day off this weekend.