Sunday, 12-16-07:  I made it through another weekend.  It has been different.  Today a couple of my good friends came over bearing gifts and we spent 1 1/2 hours in the hot tub.  We were melted.  It is cold here, though, so it felt good.  Yesterday I finished decorating and even dusted the living room.  I will dust again when I un-decorate and then my bunnies will start growing again.  It has been a major effort to pull this holiday stuff off.  I have one more gift to buy and I will be done.  It is a much smaller Christmas here than usual.  First, there is little money for it.  And second, my heart just is not into it.  It is a struggle to go into the stores, hear the music, see the happy kids, (I don't mean I want them unhappy) and hear the Merry Christmas &/or Happy Holidays from the clerks.  It is not merry nor is it happy.  I am very sad.  I miss my Scott more than words can express.  For a little bit I thought I was doing better.  I am not.  I am just different.  My father-in-law came over for stew yesterday.  He cried.  In 25 years I have seen that happen 2 times.  He misses Scott so much.  He is 86.  He said Scott was the first of his grandchildren to ever say I love you to him.  His wife, my mother-in-law, passed away in July 2006.  They had been married 64 years.  I think the grief he has for Scott is even greater.  Anyway, it was good he cried and good he talked.  We have not talked about the day Scott died until now.  He was the last person Scott spoke to.  They had plans to plant a tree that morning when Scott called him and told him he had a headache but would be over later in the day to help.  I think Scott's organs were already shutting down, and had been, as the day before he died he was having chest pains and difficulty breathing.  If only I had known what was happening.  I go over that day every day.  I hate it.  I will never forget it.