Today has been another hard one. I started out so-so. This afternoon I went into Scott's room for less than 5 minutes and had a major meltdown. Knowing that I will never see him again is killing me. I don't know how we do it day after day. I don't know why. I think the only thing that keeps me going is my husband and other 2 boys. I know it would devistate them if something were to happen to me. Although, I am trying to prepare them, in a way, for that. As we all know, you never know..... In the middle of last night one of Scott's friends called. Twice. The 2nd time he called, at 3:38 a.m., he spoke. He was wanting to know where Scott was buried as he was one of a few who was unable to attend any services. I told him to call me back during the day. He never did and finally I got hold of him. He apologized for calling so late and I gave him directions. He didn't sound drunk or anything in the middle of the night. He just told me he couldn't sleep. Anyway, I guess Scott's death is affecting more than just his family. Needless to say, after his phone call, I was awake for a long while. Finally, about an hour later I went back to bed but did not sleep. I didn't get hold of him 'till 5 p.m. today. Maybe that's why today had been tougher.....lack of sleep and it truly disturbed me when he called. I got a couple of movies from the library today. I made it through one. I don't think I can watch another one. That is just too much attention to pay. I have one more day off and don't really want to go back to work. It isn't work that is the problem, it is just me. Well, I am rambling....just clearing my head.....I am pretty sure it isn't working.
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i cant watch tv...or read anymore since i lost cody...cant concentrate ot set there that long...my mind just keeps running wild...
ive had codys friends call in middle of night also.but i was awake..it affects more people that u realize...hope u rest tonight...big hugs
It is hard, so very hard. It\'s been almost 6 months from me. Things are different for everyone. I continue to hurt and weep. However, the days are getting further apart and the pain less intense. That doesn\'t mean that it won\'t come crashing down on me but I know that there are OK days in there. I know when I started to clean out my sons room that I had melt downs too. I would have to tell myself to go in for just 15 minutes then the next time maybe 30 minutes. We now have everything boxed up and it is so cold and empty. I want life back in there but all my pleas and barganing won\'t change things. If you can\'t be in Scotts room, be patient until you feel stronger. Just know you are not alone, here for you anytime. Love Robin
So sorry to hear you had such a bad day. Those days just seem to drain all the energy out of a person. I do hope you were able to get some sleep last night and feel a bit better when you awake today. Thinking of you. Adrianne
Your so right. I forget also that the loss of Chris has effected way more people than i realise. And i worry so that they are adjusting ok. They stay away afraid to upset us but it is more upsetting that they stay away. Im glad he reached out to you at a time that he was hurting. I wonder if my mind will ever quiet also like you it jumps around. WIshing you a more peaceful week. Love and hugs sherry
I find work hard too, like being at home. I don\'t watch much TV, I\'m on the computer mostly. I know about the sleep thing, have gotten use to not getting much and trying to function. I use to go into Melissa\'s room and watch TV and now that I have moved the TV into my bedroom I don\'t go into her room much and when I do I cry. You are not alone is what I\'m trying to say. Take Care, Love and Hugs.
Ginger,
I think work is hard because we can\'t have our needed meltdowns when they hit. I am tired of acting like life is as it was before because people would not understand.
There have been plenty of times where if I had a choice I would have wanted to die. the only thing that gets me to the next day is my son and grandchild.Hope you get some rest. Hugs, Inga
Relief seems to come just when I think I can\'t take another breath. Then the sorrow comes roaring back. Peace..Rita