I went to The Compassionate Friends meeting tonight. It, as usual, painful but also beneficial. I always come away with something that I can use....or at least try. There was a father there who, just a few weeks ago, lost his 14 year old son to an overdose. He later told me he was sure it was intentional. Anyway something he said helped him was prayer. Well, I still don't have a lot to say to God. I used to pray all the time. I am not what I would call religious but I am spiritual and do believe. (Although I struggled with this for a time after Scott died...questioning my faith, etc..) This father referred to Isaiah, Chap. 57, verse 1. It says,"The righteous perish, and no man layeth it to heart: and merciful men are taken away, none considering the righteous is taken away from the evil to come." This really struck me because Scott's life was such a mess. He was still facing legal trouble, he had such pain from his back, he still saw double from an eye injury, and he was dealing with a serious illness. Also, he obviously was in contact with less than desirable people to be able to get the methadone which is what killed him. He had scripts to the other medicine. Maybe God did decide Scott had had enough. Maybe Scott's death did protect him from more evil in his life. I have to ponder this a while. But, at the moment, I am finding a bit of comfort in those words. If I can find any way to find even a small, justifiable, reason for his death, I am taking it. It will never take my pain away. I will miss him more every day. I will never be the same. I will never stop grieving. But maybe, as I said last night, I can gain more understanding. Maybe I can get my head wrapped around it so I can make it through at least part of a day without intense physical pain and find a way to grieve peacefully. Maybe, just maybe, there is hope.
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ginger you are such a brave woman it seems you have support something i don\'t have my family just won\'t talk about justin i don\'t know if their trying to protect me i cry everytime i do hear his name i feel they are grieving differently than me.Justin was a very big part of my life i think i helped him more than my other girls i figure they have their dad.i feel justin was cheated when his father and i divorced when he was 5.all he ever wanted when he was little was for us to be back togather.he struggled most of his life nothing went right for him.never had enough money,trying to be a father at such a young age.taking care of his dad who is very ill.i feel like he never had a life one that he could enjoy he was always under pressure.when i remarried 20 years ago it took justin a long time to accept mike but he grew to love him as mike loved him too.I was always close to justin being my first child there was just something different i don\'t know what it was i love my girls to death.i think i felt like i had to give justin more love because i let him down when i divorced his father.i lost my father when i was 6 i made a promise to myself that my kids would have their father know matter what my life with justin\'s father wae very abusive but i took if for 10 years.i just feel like i let him down and i feel so guilty about it.anyway i\'m rambling on i could talk forever.Have a wonderful holiday i have decided to stay home while my family go to my father in laws. just don\'t have much to be thankful for right now i feel as if i don\'t have any support.God forbid.jfm24,vicki
Ginger, it will always be hard to not have feelings of anger and confusion and want answers to justify why mothers have to lose children. It\'s defying nature to have them go before us. I too question my faith at times but I hang on to it with all I\'ve got because without it I would be in a worse place. I have to believe that there is a plan and a perfect plan. If I don\'t have faith that my son is safe, happy and waiting for me then I see no need to be here. If you need more words of comfort I randomly ran across a journal entry by JenaesDad\'s on Nov 5th. Maybe you can read it and gain some peace. Thinking of you. Love Robin
Ginger, I do believe God took our children because He knew they had been through enough and needed peace and happiness. I really hope Andrew visits me again soon so he can tell me about all his new friends. He was just starting to tell me when he dissappeared. If he comes back and tells me, I will write to all of you and let you know what he says. I pray you find a little bit of peace and strength. I\'m here whenever you need. Love you ~ Dawn
Ginger,
None of us truly know why our babies leave us. I feel there are 2 reasons why our kids left. one is that their soul had grown and they were done with their journey.Two their souls was not going to grow and God wanted them back to do more work before they came back to try again. Not sure if that makes sense? Hugs, Inga
I don\'t believe God took our kids from us. How could a loving God cause so much pain in so many life\'s. How could he take fathers and mothers from small children and say this is for good. don\'t see it myself. I struggle each day with the ways and the wherefores with no revelations to day. If you find comfort there, good on you, and far be it for me to try and dissuade you. You have success with your quiet grief. Love and hugs Cathy
I to struggle with my faith, I\'m never was that religious but I have reached out in prayer and to have my little one on ones with the big guy. I can\'t do that right now as I wonder why he would give us all such wonderful gifts and then take them back before they could live out their lives, their dreams. I have a hard time with that. I wish I could get the anger although I have had my fill of that too, but all I seem to be doing lately is crying. Try to have a good Thanksgiving, Take Care of U....Love and Hugs.