It is still Sunday to me... This has been a rough weekend. Scott has been gone 5 months as of yesterday. My Thanksgiving plans have changed. I am not thrilled. We are going to Craig's sisters. I wasn't crazy about that in the 1st place but now I find out his other sister will be there. I really have issues with her. I told Craig I wish we had just told them we had plans and gone on with just our movie thing. Adam WILL NOT go. He wants nothing to do with either of them. The 2nd sister is just not nice and I am being very kind in just saying that. I will be glad when this is over. I think Christmas will almost be easier because I can stay home with just my immediate family. I don't know how I will do this. I don't have any patience for stupidity anymore. And yet, I don't want to create any problems. The fact is I don't care about any of the superficial "stuff" anymore. I was never really very good at it. Now I just plain don't care. I don't want to chat about BS. I don't want to smile just to be nice. It is all I can do to get up and do regular stuff. I know I sound selfish and I guess maybe I am. I have never been this way before. But, I have never lost a child before, either. Bottom line is, I guess, none of it compares to what I have already endured. I guess I will just "suck it up."It is just a few hours..not a lifetime. Scott's death is a lifetime.
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I can SO relate to not having any patience for the little stuff anymore. The idol chit-chat, etc. seems to get on my nerves as well. I just want to yell at people sometimes and say, \"None of that matters! There\'s terrible things that are happening to good people. Who cares about your hang nail or your shoe heel breaking, or.........\" None of it seems important.
And, I don\'t think you are being selfish, dear. You are trying to take care of yourself right now! And, it\'s something you so desperately need to do. We may (or may not) have the support of some people around us, but we are the only one\'s who can really look out for us and know what\'s best for us. I hope your Thanksgiving goes alright. It sounds like it\'s causing you a lot of stress just thinking about going though. Anyway you can sit this one out? The past few weeks I know I\'ve upset a few people by not doing what they wanted me to do. But, I knew that if I went a certain place or whatever that not only would I NOT enjoy myself, but that my mood would affect others there as well and didn\'t want to be a \"downer\" for everyone else. Only you know what\'s best for you. I\'ll be thinking about you. *Hug* Adrianne
I so understand-last year was the first Thanksgiving without Chris and we went to my husband\'s nephew\'s house-it was different, something we did not normally do-just couldn\'t go to his Moms-that was Chris\' favorite place at Thanksgiving-but honestly I will have to say I wish I had not gone-no one would talk about him-NO ONE-I would bring up past memories of Thanksgiving and people would smile and change the subject and these were all family members. It was just very hard-so if you decide to go just know that it won\'t be easy-I basically told his sister I was thinking of ending it all-oh yes, what a wonderful day! But I was just in so much pain and hurt so much I know now I should have just not put myself in that position but of course we thought being around people would help. If you go, and it gets to be too much, excuse yourself, tell everyone why-the truth-not excuses and then leave and give yourself time to breathe. I give no excuses anymore-Ed\'s family knows we are struggling-I refuse to pretend-and it feels better that way-so go if you want but know that you have the right to leave anytime it gets to be too much, Love, Sandy
I hear you and I agree BS is the last thing we need. Making nice with someone who you normally wouldn\'t be with is hard at the best of times and under these circumstances is almost too much to bear. You\'re right though, it\'s only for a few hours, not a lifetime, and you have endured the worst, you can do this. Praying your way will be eased by God. Love and hugs Cathy
I understand I cannot take the complaints some people carry on about. When they have nothing to complain about. I want to tell them to walk in my shoes for awhile. I told everyone the truth about Thanksgiving. I just cannot do it. The people that care about you should understand. If they don\'t I just would not worry about them. I know this sounds cold but you have enough struggle everyday. Take care of yourself. HUGS. love lucille
i hear ya and agree with all u said...but im sorry im not going anywhere i dont want too...use too...but no more...just cant handle it
good luck...love ya