Another week finished. I am having a rough day/night. That sick, hollow, feeling in my stomach is at full tilt. It seems I never know when it will hit the hardest for no particular reason. Maybe because the weekend is here. On one hand I love the weekend and the time off. On the other it gives me so much time to think. And, Scott died on a Sunday. Also, my town lit the Christmas lights tonight. Of course I did not go. But, seeing all the hubbub before made me think. The last year I went, Scott and his girlfriend went with me and his Dad. It was so cold. Tonight it is not so bad. And, after work I went to the grocery. Everyone was doing Thanksgiving shopping and there were lots of Christmas things out, too. I just want to forget about it. I don't know how I will ever gather the energy for a tree. If it weren't for my family, I wouldn't. And, Scott would be very upset. I am thinking of shopping a lot on-line this year. I just don't want to be out and about. I am pretty anti-social right now. Except for the mask I wear at work. Blah..Blah..Blah... I am depressing. Even to myself.
Replies
I don\'t believe you are depressing in any form, I believe that you are in the most horrendous pain one can possibly experience. How did Scott die? I lost my son-in-law and my husband left me within two weeks, then I lsot my job. I gained a new job nursing on the midnight shift. I feel like Debbie Downer. I wish I could pull my old self out of my body and just be a new happy person. You are surviving. Be gentle with yourself. Cry, I know, somedays I cry non-stop and some I can\'t. I am sure you are not a depressing person, you are in deep pain.
i concur with debbie. huge hugs right now, light and love to you, i understand. love, marianne joeys mom
HUGGIN U TIGHT GINGER...WALKING WITH YOU
The light has left our lives. How can we be joyous this season. I just want it over.
No not depressing..just human..I know the holidays are the hardest but we will make it thru with the help of everyone here and our families..Love and hugs that you feel a little better..
I know exactly what you are talking about. It\'s like you were talking about me.I am ok during the week when i work and then the weekends are rough. i don\'t go anywhere and i don\'t want to. I also have not turned a radio on since my son died, i have no desire to hear music. I will not be going to the mall @ all for my holiday shopping. i am planning on doing gift cards and cash.Hugs, Inga
You are not depressing, just a mother in pain as many of us are. If you have to shop on line then do it. That\'s what I started a couple of days ago. I haven\'t even put Halloween away, why I even got it out is beyond my imagination. We are all here for each other. I\'m sorry you are struggling today. Hang in there. Thinking of you. Love Robin
If you are depressing then we all are. I would say we are grieving mothers and we are doing whatever it takes to get by or just plain exist. I don\'t even want to think of Christmas and I surely don\'t want to put any decorations out including a tree. Take Care, Love and Hugs.